Can I Sue the “Other Woman” or “Other Man”?

CNN published its contribution last month to the continuing mythology surrounding the tort called “alienation of affection,” filing a lawsuit against that interloper who seduced your spouse and ruined your marriage.

Coverage like this is typical of journalism in America today, full as it is of breathless and sensational warnings of events that are extremely unlikely to occur. As a divorce lawyer, I hear more than my share of plaintive requests from wronged spouses who want me to tell them that yes, they can sue that vixen who seduced their poor husband, or yes, they can sue that villainous co-worker who led their wife astray.

The CNN story itself points out that the tort is recognized in only six states, Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. When I look up the population of those six states in the Census Bureau 2010 Data Book, I see we’re talking about a whooping 10.5% of the US population. Whoop-de-doo.

In Alabama and 43 other states plus the District of Columbia, you can’t do it. You have no right of action against the person who seduced your spouse. You can spend your money on lawyers and write threatening letters and post ads on billboards, but it won’t make a bit of difference other than to use up the money you need for other things and leave a trail of bitter words that may haunt you later.

For those who need legal authority, take a look at Ala. Code § 6-5-331, stating that “there shall be no civil claims for alienation of affections, criminal conversation, or seduction of any female person of the age of 19 years or over.” If you’re wondering whether the statute leaves open the possibility of a claim against a woman who seduced a man, the Alabama Supreme Court looked at this issue in Young v. Young, 184 So. 187 (Ala. 1938) and said no, the statute abolishes all civil claims for alienation of affections of husband or wife.

The Alabama courts have also read the statute expansively. In Bailey v. Faulkner, 940 So. 2d 247 (Ala. 2006) rehearing denied, Case No. 1040880 (April 21, 2006), the Alabama Supreme Court reversed a judgment entered on a jury verdict against a pastor who had begun a sexual relationship with a parishioner and employee of the church.

The facts were particularly outrageous. The pastor had persuaded the woman and her husband to stop seeing an independent marriage counselor and to use the pastor instead, and then the pastor began having sex with the wife less than a month later. Then when the husband had the chance to get a big raise by taking a job in another county, the pastor persuaded him to stay put, allegedly so he could continue having sex with the poor cuckold’s wife. Nevertheless, the Alabama Supreme Court stepped in to protect the pastor, saying that the language in the husband’s complaint alleging breach of contract and negligence were a meaningless sham and ineffective at hiding the true nature of the complaint, that of alienation of affections.

In short, this case is not about negligence or wantonness — it is about intentional conduct. The only claims stated by the allegations in this case assert the amatory torts abolished by § 6-5-331. Damages sought here are the species of damages recoverable for those torts. . . . One cannot sue to recover for injuries arising … from an interference with the marriage by simply casting the defendant’s conduct as a breach of contract, or negligence, or some other intentional tort. It is that kind of sham that the case law prevents (citations omitted). Bailey at 253.

If your spouse has been unfaithful to you, you have every right to feel outraged, betrayed, and rejected. You should be angry, and you should go slightly insane. That’s sort of your job. Your anger, however, should be directed at the person who swore to be faithful to you, not the one with whom they dallied.

32 comments

  1. Cheryl Hughes says:

    Although I agree that the blame and anger should be directed at the offending spouse, I can see how the other person can elicit extreme emotions in the innocent spouse. In my situation, the other person is aware and has been the entire length of the affair, that we were married. My husband for some reason thought he should share every intimate detail of our life, as well as personal details about me, to this woman. She took that information and used it to steal my identity and created a financial chaos that I am still cleaning up to this day. If that wasn’t enough, she called my place of employment so often and caused such turmoil that they decided to let me go rather than deal with the constant problems and stress she was causing the company. My husband was not enough for this woman. She openly admits hatred towards me and has stated that she will not be happy until she has completely destroyed my life, which somehow, she has actually accomplished. I lost my marriage, my job, my home, my dignity, peace of mind, self-respect and at times, my sanity. My only offense? I am married to the man that she wants to be with. The legal system has not taken me seriously and has cast me off as some deranged woman who is only seeking revenge because her husband is having an affair. I have had a very difficult time finding any help in regards to prosecuting this woman for the very real crimes she has committed against me and after fighting for almost three years, I have just given up. I have nothing left to lose, so I filed for divorce and moved out of the area and am trying to start over again. My heart goes out to anyone experiencing turmoil and pain in their life caused by an affair, especially those who have become a target of abuse by the other person.

  2. I practice law in Northern Virginia. Several years ago I had a case with facts almost identical to the Alabama pastor case, except it may have been more interesting. The wife was a professional clown. Not a joke. Of course, the pastor wasn’t sued, but he did lose his job and his own wife.

  3. Ed says:

    I frankly fail to understand the logic of not being angry at the other person.It makes little sense and is not true to reality for me at all.Yes of course one has been betrayed by ones partner but how does this absolve the other person?This has not been established on any obvious grounds of logic and as such I find more than slightly annoying as advice.I think many people reading the above statement might pause at that as well.As a proposition it needs to be bolstered by some sort of argument surely and not just solely on your say so.

  4. Birgit says:

    In other words today’s lawmakers are buying themselves and all potential people who chose to interject themselves into any marriage immunity from any consequence of action. A marriage is still a legal contract between two parties and should be honored as such. When there is a breach of contract some type of punitive measure only seems appropriate…such as in any business situation for that matter. By deliberately interfering with such a contract the threat of a potential tort claim would act as a deterrent. In our great litigation society, where one can make all sorts of lavish civil claims against another party and be highly successful in front of a jury of one’s peers, it seems odd that this type of behavior is totally dismissed. Laws to that affect would greatly stabilize the instituion of marriage and provide a deterrent for the rampant break-up of the family unit as we see it.

  5. Lisa says:

    I agree with Ed that it is poor advice to tell someone whose spouse has cheated that it doesn’t make sense to be angry with the person that they cheated with. Yes I am angry with my spouse for having affairs but I find the whole thing made more difficult by the fact that he has had affairs with two women who both knew he was married with small children and both of whom have had affairs with other married men. He wasn’t the first married man to have an affair with them and he won’t be the last. I can divorce my husband but apparently I can’t have do anything to the women who knew he was married and yes they had no relationship with me in the same way that my husband did but I am still angry at them for having affairs with multiple married men, one of whom just happens to have been married to me. I believe that I have the right to be angry with these women as well as my husband.

  6. Pieter says:

    While I agree with your comments I do believe there should be some recourse for the married predators that go out of their way to destroy marriages. These men look for married women who have an emotional need and work on this until they turn them against their husbands and thereby create an emotional and then physical affair with the woman. Once the marriage fails they leave the woman and move on to the next one.
    Until there is some recourse these men will continue to destroy marriages

  7. KMC says:

    in China, it is a crime to commit adultry. The spouse and the OT will be prosecuted. It makes OT thinks twice if she/he wants to have an affair with a married man/woman. It also makes the unfaithful spouse thinks twice.

  8. Bonny says:

    I, too, am tired of the advice about not being angry with the other person. When another person intentionally pursues your husband knowing full well that he is a married man, that person has committed a grevious wrong. I also tired of hearing that I won’t be truly healed until I let my anger at that person go. I will always harbor ill feelings for that woman. Will it interfer with my proceedign with my life? No. But I don’t plan to let her off the hook by forgiving her. She is not a person who deserves my forgiveness. She is an adulterer.

  9. Lori says:

    The OP in my case admittedly persued my husband for the fun of it and to see if she would get more advantages at work (she was the new line cook), he was the Executive Chef. She admitted to me that the thought of having actual sex with my husband “grossed her out”, but it was fun, like a game. She had a new IPOD and barraged my husband with “sextexts”. She was considerably younger and used her texting skills to seduce him into an obsessive text affair. Then she invited him over for more. She started off slow, worked her way up; by month 3, there were 1400 txt messages exchanged. She also relentlessly persued another manager and sextexted pretty much all the young servers and anyone else who worked there who would respond. The young guys were not impressed, but the married older managers were completely thrown off guard and got caught up in her web. The majority of the txts were very sexual and there was clear intention to get these men to adore her. My husband lost his job eventually and of course I accidentally found out after they’d been carrying on for over 1 year. I was extremely angry with her because she admitted she makes it a game to go after married men. I gave her some grief and also told her parents (they are very devout religious folks, and she is obviously rebelling against their rules); of her extremely bad behavior to get enjoyment out of ruining marriages if she can, not to mention her improper work ethic, (of which my husband is guilty as well). And, in the end, my husband is the one I have the trust issue with; who doesn’t want to say no. I also know if we had been in a more aware and communicative relationship, it may not have evolved the way it did. I talked with lawyer’s about a sexual harassment case, but noone seemed too inteested. Though I have read there might possibly be a suit against the company my husband worked for, because they do not provide any type of sexual harrassment training; even to their managers or ever discuss it at meetings. And, it is a fairly large size corporation.

  10. Mary says:

    Every little bit helps! I appreciate these comments. I too am tried of others telling me I should forgive, blah blah blah. Why should these degenerates be allowed to cause chaos because they seek fun , sport or are just sickos who delight in breaking up marriages. I thought I was at fault for being angry towards the woman who moved into to the same building to break my marriage. She works on my husbands job. These are predators who are selfish and too lazy or dumb to seek relationships of their own. This person has caused maximum grief for my family. It is a very painful time. She has also attacked me! The horrible incident was caught on camera and there were 2 witnesses. Even so it is being dragged out in court. The law here does not take infidelity seriously. If a president can be forgiven for despicable acts in the White House and forthright lies to the public, then what does that say for marriage today? I say to all who have been disgraced, manipulated and abused by other selfish, ignorant and abusive people to continue to live your best, no matter how sad or the hardships you endure. We are the ones with common sense not to deliberately cause hurt, shame..etc. especially to our children who deserve stability in this world. Adulterers think only of themselves and lack self control. It has nothing to do with age, gender, or environment. Adultery is not just weak moments. It is a deliberate, calculating, selfish disgusting choice. If people need to cater to their animal instincts then don’t get married or at least let the offended partner know you want out. If you can’t go the distance of marriage and the communicative work that is need if you care about your partner and children , then go your way and take your tail with you.

  11. Lori says:

    Good response, so hard for me to figure why it would be sport for a young girl to go after married men. It’s obviously a control issue and I would not doubt that she has been abused in her life, so she is passing it on. The girl who went after my husband was 24 and has a 2 year old baby she does not have a clue who the dad is. My husband’s only defense in the beginning was, “it was too enticing to turn down a 24 yr old”. It kinda made me sick, we have nieces and nephews her age and he was texting her when we were out of State @ a family wedding of one of my nieces. And, to add to my shattered self-esteem and trust I knew I would never be 24 again and felt I could not compete. I was devastated. Though I am only in my early 50s I do not feel old and am considered attractive. My husband really tried to take that confidence away just to be mean while on teh defense. Now it’s all said and done, she has posted a pic of herself on MySpace. It’s funny because I saw her in person a few times and she seemed average looking. Oh my gosh, the ugliness of her soul must be coming out or I did not see her very well before. The pic she has posted on MySpace makes her look so homely and pathetic. I realized my husband had the problems, (he also told me that 25 years of me nagging and bossing him around is what drove her into the other woman’s arms”, but, they were only friends, okay; big liar. Anyway, she is just plain ugly; really bad. I showed my husband the pic and apologized to him. I said if that is what he chose to risk throwing his job, marriage, family and home away for than I must have just been awful. He was embarrassed and admitted she looked terrible. He admitted he was caught up in the fantasy of it all. I believe it. I saw some of the text messages and this girl is a master at nasty talk. She obviously has no self-esteem or she would not have behaved like a porn chat queen. I felt better to see her on one hand, but then felt sorry for her a little as well, and felt the creep factor move in when I looked at my husband again. My husband is the one with the issues and it most definitely was not my “fault” the OP drove him nuts with her constant texting and calling. All he had to do was say “No”. He thought he was so smart and would never get caught, and it’s been one lie after another ever since. This girl made a fool of him and he’ll never live it down. I told him he should go to her; they deserve each other. He wants nothing to do with her and is quite ashamed. Secret alcohol drinking played a big part in this thing too; they were drinking buddies after work on my school nights. Secrets and lies…. Pretty exciting stuff.

  12. Geoff says:

    My wife started going through her mid-life crisis about 9 years ago. She had an affair with my cousin in january 2005, i dont know if it was a once only or not. In August 2007 she left our home, in August 2009 she moved in with a man and i dont know how long she knew him . There is no future with him as he has cancer. Even so , he had no right to make advances on her especially as she was very vulnerable as she went through so much stress in the 8 months before she left , none of which was caused by me. I know she doesn`t know half of what she has done but that doesn`t give him the right to move in on her. Some are saying it is more like a friendship than a romance with him.. All men and women should respect a marriage ……
    She cut me off and wont see or talk to me. She has done an untold amount of damage to our family and to herself. How someone can change so much is hard to believe …

  13. Sylvia Stratford says:

    We have to stop treating these usurpers and their actions just like a misdemeanor, as a little slip. It just happens too frequently now and it happens in all tiers of society. Not only does it leave devastation all the way it leaves our children with behavior patterns set by us.
    We have to treat these cases as a breach of contract which can only be remedied by paying damages.
    Unfortunately human behavior and the controlling of it require a structure. Because of our unbelievable affluent society people enjoy too much of games and thrill.
    There is really no excuse for cheating. We are adults and nobody was forced to marry our partners. We made these commitments out of our own choice and wish, now if they decide to break the contract by cheating then they should have the guts to pay and leave and not come back. I really think, if we could sue both the spouse for breach of contract and the third person would have to remedy us under a victim’s compensation scheme it would make people think.
    I also have to add that I think in most of the cases the marriages are not bad but the partners are just not committed enough to put more effort in the emotional part of the relationship so they deprive not only their spouse but also themselves of a really good friendship which would be always the underlying driving force of a good marriage.
    Most of the time people do the cheating out of boredom and opportunity and far too many people in the prime of their lives are alone. So they hit on our husbands who are only too willing to play a little game which ends in absolute chaos.

  14. John Ramone says:

    What about the time that a child is born from an affair. The cheating wife conceals from the husband that the child is not his. Later when this comes to light and they separate, the husband is still on the hook for child support payments. The OP was clearly one of the responsible parties in the breach of marriage contract. Can the OP be sued for the costs of rearing a child which the husband never planned or intended to have. Can the OP be sued for damages for interfering in a contract between the husband and wife?
    Note we are not talking about the husband not paying the child support payments. Just that this burden has come on him because of OP’s actions and by OP’s interference in his marriage contract with his wife?

  15. Ed says:

    I am single but I find it very discouraging all the infidelity these days. As a single person I always do my best to respect others that are married or even dating or even just with another man. I always assume they are together first. I am so sick of these people whom have no respect for other relationships. Men and Women both. I hate the attitude I have heard from some women these days, “Oh men have been doing this forever its our turn” Talk about punishing the innocent. I would love to see some new laws around this stuff where the op can get sued. It is way out of hand. People get really hurt from this stuff. Then nobody wants to tell on anyone because of fear that someone might get hurt. That sucks too. If people were exposed more that would be a deterent. I know someone, a women whom is having an affair with a married man and could care less about the wife. Its terrible. What if she finds out and hurts herself. Is it worth it? I think it gratifies her ego or creates excitement for her. We have become way to tolerant about a lot of really bad behaviour.
    Also you have these players out their both men and women who are reading books and going to actual trainings on how to pick up people. They are predatory and manipulative. The sad part is that it works as I had one of these guys confide in me. He is mr. smooth and knows just how to do. They even have training for how to go after people whom are with someone else. Its sick stuff.

  16. tryin2010 says:

    Why on earth would I forgive the OW – She is the worst kind – she knew he was married, and had children. She cheated on her h – and after they were divorced, she continued to sleep with her exH even when he was remarried, for money and favors, she even slept w/ her ex after she was sleeping with my FWH – to get money to buy HIM things and pay for the hotel rooms when she got sick of driving to his filthy shop and having sex in cars, vans, parking lots, and the dirty work table. She drove over an hour to take her clothes off or give him oral sex – she chased him – and while he NEVER should have said ok to any of it, she not only made it easy, but she downright chased him down and gave up her kids, pets, home etc to take it all off for him where ever and when ever…. what he didn’t know at the time, was that she was like that with all the guys she trolled the internet for. Ugh – now I’m left w/ STDs wish it were illegal – I’d sue for sure!

  17. Kelly B says:

    What about THIS case scenerio:
    A husband and wife are both STD free for 12 years. Then the husband cheats, the wife finds out, goes to the ob/gyn to get checked, finds out she has gotten an STD from her husband and this affair. There is extensive evidence of the affair, with the specific woman and definite length of time involved.
    Can the wife then subpena(sp?)the woman he cheated with for an STD test, then sue her for some sort of negligence, etc? I would think there is some sort of case to be made there, since I recall people taking some guy to court that went around spreading AIDS a while back. Thoughts?

  18. Brenda says:

    I completely 100% totally agree with Birgit(3/09,7:32am) and Ed, and wish there were laws like those KMC says China has regarding adultery. I am in the process of filing a lawsuit against the ow and believe i have an excellent case against her…it has nothing to do with alienation of affection, which all but 6 states did away with, my state being one of them, but rather my case has to do with her intentional infliction of emotional harrassment, along with a few other charges. She is determined to have my husband as her own, and will stop at nothing it seems. She stated once that she’d been kicked to the curb before and wasn’t going to let it happen to her ever again. She has sent me text messages over the past several years which are sexually explicit, telling me what she does to my husband, what he loves, and what i should do to him … When we would be attempting to reconcile our marriage, she would send texts to me of this nature…there were a couple of especially critically sensitive times – once when we were going on a trip to “celebrate” our 33rd wedding anniversary, and another time when we had gone to a weekend marriage conference …She’s a very vengeful, hateful, malicious, worthless, gold-digging, adulterous whore, and i’ve had enough of her.(That’s as kind as i can be)…I don’t respond to her, and have told my husband to tell his whore to stop texting me or i was going to sue her. Either he didn’t tell her, or she didn’t take me seriously, and now my attorney is preparing to have her served soon.

  19. Lisa says:

    Good for you Brenda! I believe that there should be some comeback in the courts for the type of emotional distress that is caused by women (and men) activley pursuing affairs with married men. I have a very strong desire to name and shame the OP in my case as her image is everything to her and she has stalked me, my husband and my children, tried to befriend my friend and neighbour and even wangled her way into her house. The only thing standing in the way if her perfect life with my husband, my children and my house is me!. My husband I can deal with, I’ve thrown him out but yet everyone advise me to stay away from her!

  20. Debbie says:

    What can I do to a Church/School who didn’t fire an employee who had been seducing my Husband. My kids spent almost 3 yrs in this private school. My husband did sub-contract work for them. This is a woman I knew and was friends with her and the family. She kept my husband busy with work in hopes to spend more time with him, well it worked and they had an affair which lasted for 4 months. The affair occured in the schools nursery, thats were they had sex. I found out told her husband and the pastor. As it turned out she didn’t want to see him (Husband)working there any longer so the pastor let him go, and she went on to be Director of Daycare. I couldn’t take seeing her everyday so I left the church and the school my kids loved And moved out of the area. I feel like I’ve been screwed not just by my husband and his whore, but by the pastor and the school administration. Do I have any recourse??

  21. Paul says:

    I think there’s something to be said for blaming the other person.

    In my wife’s case, she has enough psychological issues from her upbringing that while I’m furious at her infidelity, I understand it, and forgive her for it.

    But the guy? Nope. He knows she’s married, he’s met me, and he chased after her anyway.

    If the notion of “society” is to have meaning, then the reality is that you can’t have single people out there poaching married ones. They need to restrain themselves and have respect for everyone in a marriage, AND for the very notion of marriage in the first place.

    So yeah, I blame him. He knew what he was doing (his own marriage ended a year or two ago) and the pain that he was getting involved in causing.

  22. frustratednwoodbridge,va1word4meplz says:

    there was a “thing” i was friends with from 4th grade. i skipped to go home w her, ended up gettn snowed in for 2 weeks with her & her family. 30 years later my husband tells me he has been hitting, slapping, punching me, neglecting me & my 4 kids because i’m not her. he wanted her. ok…who the hell told him to marry me? they have 1-3 children together. my husband has made sure this family did not love him. i will prosecute her ass for this. he already is payin for his. she played my friend since the 4th grade!!! really i have no right to sue her? that is so far past mental stress & disorder that itz not funny. he is a 2x felon, been in & out of jail/prison for over 20 years now, yet he writes & says he loves us & wants to come back. ive dreamed of the both of them telling me they will not leave each other for 23 years now, just never paid attention to those. they found it funny to “find” each other on my fb page. she sat on my page 4 2years w/out 1 word. i said hello to her she didnt respond until my husband got out of prison AGAIN this year-to him not me. yes they both will pay for their adultry. why do the women get left w the kids, bills, etc? i love my babies dont get me wrong. they are mine=i raised them alone even though i was married.

  23. LostInNC says:

    I too am going threw a separation caused by marital predator. At the time he had been dating my wife’s Aunt for several weeks but had carried on an online “relationship” with her for several. His story is, he’s looking for a woman to have a family with, well he stole my wife and two children (10 and 7) so I guess he got what he wanted. Although my oldest son hates him and it won’t belong before the youngest one (7) will be following the older brothers lead. Let’s see how lover-boy handles that because my oldest boy will think nothing about kicking him where it counts.

    But that’s not the worst part of it. We had been married for 11 years but I’m a Canadian citizen, my wife is an American citizen and we have been living down here for 12 years now. Due to my status as a Canadian citizen I am not legally permitted to work in the USA without facing the real possibility of being deported which means my children won’t see me for a very longtime.

    On the Monday of this last Labor Day Weekend my wife came home and informed me she wanted a divorce so she could be with “him”, the following day she moved out. They’d only known each other for 3 weeks. He played the “friend of the family” game really well, I didn’t even see it coming. When she left, she gave me a check for $450 my Aunt gave us to buy our youngest son a B-day present from her. She didn’t pay ANY of the bills, nor the rent (we rent this place month to month).

    So not only did I lose my wife and two children but within the next few weeks I face the real chance getting deported / evicted / sitting in the dark with heat or electricity. She also took our Mini-Van so even IF I wanted to move back to Canada I have no way of even getting there with my belongings. My family is trying help as much as they can but they really can’t do much but offer me their moral support. I still love my wife and our two boys very much and, given that we are living in North Carolina, I’m looking for a Pro Bono lawyer to slap him with an alienation of affection suit. I have multiple witness that know he has been dating my wife. My oldest son caught lover-boy and my wife (his mom) French Kissing. I even have several telephone recordings of him telling my wife what a loser I was. That she and the boys would be better off with him because clearly he loves them more than I ever could, etc, etc… I hope he burns in hell for what he has done to this family

    We currently live in North Carolina and I fully plan on suing the son of a *$#@*

    Sorry for the typos and grammatical errors in my posting above. I’m still in the enraged “stages” on this separation and have only had, at most, about 15 hrs of sleep in the past eight days and eaten two sandwiches.. I’m a wreck, the family is in complete disarray and he’s sweet talking my wife..

  24. not_a_doormat says:

    My husband of almost 35 years decided I just didn’t do it for him anymore. Geesh, he hasn’t done it for me in a long time either, but I didn’t bail because of it. I stayed the good corporate wife and helped him achieve his masters while taking care of two children so that he could travel and go further in his career so that we would have a better life. Nothing was ever enough and here I sit at almost 6 a.m. trying to figure out why I tried so hard this past year when he’s back out on a business trip and undoubtly with her. Well, I’m not a door mat and I am getting madder with each passing day. I seriously do not understand these other women out there. Do they not realize if a husband will cheat on a wife after making a commitment that eventually it WILL happen to them? Bottom feeders. It’s disgusting anymore. No pride out there.

  25. Shana says:

    A lot of you guys are mad at the other party, but as between the two, you KNOW your spouse knows he’s married. Sure, the other woman might have been on notice that he was married. I won’t even deny that some women target married men, but it seems to me very rarely is the husband saying, “Oh, I’m happily married, but let’s have sex anyway.” In my case, yes, I was the other woman, and yes I knew he was married, but not until after he had already pursued me and gotten me to love him. He never wore a wedding ring. When he finally admitted that he was married, he said he wasn’t happy with his wife, and every night he went to bed next to someone he didn’t love, and she was always nagging, controlling and always yelling at him and putting him down. NONE of that was elicited by me. All these people make assumptions about the kind of woman that would date a married man, but I did not seek a married man. I fell in love with a man, who later told me he was married, and I kept making excuses for him. My heart sank when he told me, because I actually felt we could have something. But, contrary to your assumptions, there was nothing wrong with my self-esteem (until I met him); I hadn’t been abused; I could have gotten any man I wanted. In fact, he wasn’t the only guy who was pursuing me. But he was the only one I fell for. Now even though I still have love for him, there’s a lot of hate for him mixed in as well, for putting me into that kind of situation. I expect to get torn apart by you guys, but the truth is, I know that I am not the only wrong party, or even the MOST wrong party.

  26. tenaj says:

    My 85 year old husband is in a romantic relationship with a nonprofessional staff person at his nursing home. I complained to her supervisor when she took him to do errands in her personal car, it did no good. I asked that she not be so physical with him and not call him by pet names such as my darling. I wrote a formal complaint to the administrators. Nothing has changed. She still has contact with my husband. They share secrets, when I visit my husband. The woman makes her presence known. She’s always there staring at us.the social worker told me my husband is infatuated with this woman, but the woman cares nothing for him. The woman herself told me, in front of the administrators, that she and my husband are good friends. That’s all, just good friends. My husband, in the past has told me that he loves her, she saved his life by giving them something to live for, and that I am too old and unattractive for him now.Can I sue the nursing home for third-party in the nation of affection, or for destroying my marriage.

  27. Lee Borden says:

    Hi tenaj,

    Bless your heart. I can’t begin to imagine how searingly painful this must be for you. No, I think any lawsuit against the nursing home would be unsuccessful. However, I think you may have some leverage if you file a written complaint about this with the agency that accredits nursing homes in your state. This site – http://www.hospicepatients.org/ilaswan/stateaddrs.html – lists the names and addresses to use in each state.

  28. SoManyTears says:

    I should be able to sue for SOMETHING in Texas. Accidentally caught my husband of 11 years having an affair with the SAME woman he cheated with on his first wife 38 years ago. Although the BOTH claim there was no sex this time, I have recently (8 months after Dday) been diagnosed with HPV. This other woman has HPV and in fact developed anal cancer, endured a colostomy bag and is subsequently dying from stage 4 metastasized bone cancer of the spine. Now that is MY future. Shouldn’t I be able to sue BOTH of them? What can I do?

    I might add the uncovered affair lasted 15 months. There were over 43,000 text, 500 phone conversations and hundreds of pictures (his penis) sent and received. She lives 3 blocks away. The still maintain there was no physical contact. My husband proposes a polygraph. I don’t know if that would help or not. The fact is, now I have an incurable sexually transmitted disease that she also, coincidentally, has.

  29. Anne says:

    Wow! This is intense. I had a woman lure my husband whom I have been with for over 30 years. I have been devastated! The whole nine yards, not sleeping, not eating, crying every day. However I have to say that I DO believe that forgiveness will heal me. Though I have been crying for months? I just do not want to carry bitterness and hatred in my body! Or my soul. I want to forgive and move on. Both of them. Although at times it is difficult? I just keep sending love and forgiveness! And hope one day that I really mean it, really feel it! And to Shana? I do not blame you at all. It is not your fault that you fell in love with someone who lied. Are you still with him? Do you want to be with a liar? It is normal that the behavior a man displays is often repeated. I wish you luck. I might think about finding someone who is honest and open. Good Luck!

  30. Anonymous says:

    What if my husband had sex with the other woman, in my bed, on my pillow, fives times when I was out town?? Can I sue her for using my things (my bed and pillow) without me allowing her in my home??

    • Lee Borden says:

      As my father was fond of saying, anybody can sue anybody for anything. Will you prevail? In all likelihood, no. Your beef is with the man who swore to be true to you, not the women he’s bedded after making his promises.

    • Get over it says:

      Your husband invited her into your JOINTLY OWNED residence. She didn’t break in. Save your money. You know there isn’t a lawsuit.

      Maybe she can sue you for a bad mattress that hurt her back??? Just sayin.

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