It’s a well-kept secret that remarkably few divorced parents actually fight about the time they spend with their children. When they do, it’s usually not about the children; it’s more likely that somebody is using the children as a weapon against his or her ex-spouse.
When your ex-spouse is denying you the visitation time you deserve, here’s the procedure I recommend before you call a lawyer. First, write a letter to the other parent reminding him or her about the visitation schedule. Then describe the ways in which the other parent’s behavior seems to you to be inconsistent with what the decree requires. As you write, make sure you confine your description to the behaviors you can observe. Avoid any attempt to describe the motivation for the other parent’s behavior or any behaviors you can’t observe. Set a specific date and time (in compliance with the decree) when you will be ready to visit with your child or children. Send the letter by certified mail.
Then be at the appointed place at the appointed date and time. Wait 20 minutes. If the other parent doesn’t show up with the children, don’t make a scene; just go home and write another letter. Again, confine your comments to the behaviors you can observe. Set another date, time, and place. Repeat the process.
If the other parent stands you up twice for appointments that are in compliance with the divorce decree, then you’re ready to contact a lawyer and file an enforcement petition. In Alabama, it’s called a Petition for Rule Nisi. (“Nisi” is pronounced with a long “i” sound for each syllable, and the accent is on the first syllable.) In the Petition for Rule Nisi, you and your lawyer will ask the judge to enforce visitation, and (typically) for the other parent to be required to reimburse you for your attorney’s fees.
Thank You for your advise, but one more question I have if you could help me. What if the ex moves and will not give you thier new address, how would I go about obtaining the information required to send a letter to my ex? If you could please respond to this my email is rickmadrid2005@yahoo.com. thank you
Do you need an Attorney to file the Petition for Rule Nisi? And if not how would an
individual proceed with filing?
thanks in advance.
My suggestion would be to hire a lawyer, but you should take what I say with a grain of salt, because that’s my business.
Lee, unfortunatly hiring a lawyer isn’t much of an option for me as I recently over
extended myself $10k for an attorney on a domestic matter involving my current wife.
That matter is the reason the ex is not allowing me to see my son even though it had
nothing to do with him or my ex. I have had over 7 years of visitation with my son and
never any incident. My daughter died in November (SIDS) and the stress of that led to a
rough patch between my wife and I a couple months later and during an argument a neighbor
called the police. I live in Georgia where if the police are called on a domestic matter
someone is going to jail. The District Attorney elected not to prosecute and the wife and
I are working our marriage out with counseling from our pastor and individual counseling
with a therapist. Now my Ex is trying to use the incident as a reason not to let me see
our 9 year old son. The financial strain is already so bad that an attorney isn’t even an
option. What to do? Are the Rule Nisi forms online?
My 9 yr old is afraid of her step brother (dad adopted him), he is 12. He has pushed her down and she was in an E.R. with what we thought was a broke arm. She was afraid to tell her dad because he would not know which child to believe. She has repeatedly said this child is rough with her, and is afraid of him, and afraid of getting in trouble with her dad. I feel i should protect her and by sending her I am not doing that. She says she wants to see her dad but not the child, and she will not be mad if I do not let her go. Do I have grounds, according to my parenting plan if i feel the well being of the child is not good I don’t have to send her, not to let her go or request supervised and no over night stays?
Your advice, regarding actions to take when experiencing interference with visitation, is spot on regarding documentation. However, until the judges enforce their visitation orders, with consequences to the violator, hiring an attorney is just another waste of money.
In Mobile, the word is out on the street that a mother who interferes with visitation will receive absolutely no consequence whatsoever. (Provided she banks on getting the right judge.)
I am not sure what to do. I cannot afford another lawyer. My ex-husband has joint legal custody, I have sole physical custody, and he gets supervised visitation (his mother is the supervising person).They come from out of state (1hr away) to pick up my 2 year old daughter the 1st and 3rd weekend of every month. My problem is the last time my ex had her, he stayed the night somewhere else with my daugter. He was not supervised. He stayed in an area I know as having drugs around. The reason he has supervised visitation is because of his drug use (meth). Since then, I have refused to let him take my daughter. I told him he was welcome to visit with her at my parents home, but he could not take her anywhere. He is very angry with me, but I felt I had no other option. What do you think?
I think that you need to protect your children but that, in the long run, you don’t want to be in a position where you’re defying the judge’s order. I know that tells you less than you want to hear, but that’s all I feel comfortable saying on a blog.
My boyfriend’s ex-wife will not allow visitation until he pays the total amount of back child support in full. I thought under Alabama law, visitation and back child support were two separate issues. Can you tell me if this is true and if so, where this law is? I believe it would be in the Code of Alabama, but I cannot find the Section. Thank you.
It’s a matter of caselaw, not statute.
My husband and I left our daughter with a friend for what was supposed to be a couple of months while we got our situation worked out and trusting our friend signed over custody. We have not been allowed to see our daughter at all since 6/9/05. We were allowed to speak to her on the phone for a few minutes once. We want our daughter back and all the lawyers we have talked to said that we have a good case and would win but they need us to give them $5000 as a down payment before they will make a move. We simply don’t have that much money. I would like to file the papers myself but I dont know where to start. Could you help us?
No, I’m sorry. My work is focused on parties who are able to be reasonably cooperative. I weuldn’t be a good choice for you. Thanks for asking, though.
what was it that I said that lead you to believe that we are not resonably cooperative all I want to know is what parpers I need to file by myself in South Carolina, I wasn’t going to hire you.
what proff of an ex having someone live with her would stand up in court thanks
What is the penalty in the State of Alabama for taking a child out of the state without notifying the child’s father, refusing phone calls and leaving no forwarding address. The parents are divorced and the father was granted visitation. The mother met someone new and wanted to begin a “new life”. Also, do grandparents have any visitation rights in the State of Alabama. The grandchild in question is almost 4 1/2, now living in the Atlanta area and did have a very healthy, loving relationship with both sets of grandparents in south Alabama and Mississippi. Your response is greatly appreciated. Tanya Wright.
Hi Lee,
You performed my uncontested divorce and everything is going great with that(Thanks). But I have a close friend that is having custody issues. His marriage was annuled eight months prior to the birth of his child;in July the child was 1 year old and joint custody papers were drawn up in May but the ex spouse refuses to sign them. Can the court force her to sign them? Can the Petition for Rule Nisi be used when the ex spouse hasn’t signed the custody agreemen? My friend’s attorney may be put out by the ex spouses dodging attempts or he may not have experience in this area yet because he has been putting off advising my friend? Do you have any suggestions on what to do next? Thanks!
Hmmm. My guess is that because the marriage was annulled rather than dissolved, a Petition for Rule Nisi is probably not the right remedy. Instead, your friend probably needs to file an action for paternity. The problem I see with this approach is that nearly every judge I know would grant sole custody to one of the parents unless both parents are requesting joint custody. And I gather that in your case that would mean that Mom would have sole custody. That having been said, if Mom is keeping Dad from seeing the child, the action for paternity (and with it custody, support, and visitation) is probably the remedy that gets him access.
Thank you for your feedback. May I please ask one last question? I think my friend is close to having this situation turn in his favor.
I believe an action for paternity is what he filed back in the spring. Since they had been married, he believed that the child was his and began paying (at birth) what was determined by his prior attorney (that filed the annulment papers)- what he owed based on his income. After months of the mother accepting the money but not allowing him to see the child – that is when he had a paternity test done, and had papers drawn up (I believe) giving him joint legal custody and her sole physical custody. But since the mother has ignored his attorney’s attempts for her to sign the papers, he still didn’t have what he needed to enforce his rights (the judge told her to allow him to see the child but she still denied his repeated attempts).
Update – A couple of weeks ago, he wrote a letter to the judge asking him to finalize the documents without the mother’s signature; the judge signed them the next day. He is waiting on the copy that has the state seal which is what he was told, makes them legal. It comes with a schedule of visitation dates and times.
He is not sure what to do if the mother won’t open the door when he shows up at the legal, appointed time to pick up his child – (any suggestions you have would be appreciated). Also, he has decided to give it another 12 months and if it continues to be an uphill battle and the mother continues to practice obsolete parenting, he will seek a change in physical custody. Do you know if Alabama judges will appoint a “Guardian ad Litem” to investigate and make a recommendation on the issue of physical placement?
I’m losing track of the facts. Am I to assume that the court has now decreed a schedule of visitation, that Dad has requested Mom to make tho child available in compliance with that schedule, and that Mom is simply defying the order? If so, your friend should consider following the steps outlined here: https://divorceinfo.com/enforcement.htm .
It is easy to lose track when one person is being very difficult; it causes a lot of problems and extra work. But yes, the court awarded joint custody in May and dad received a schedule of visitation at the end of September; but the schedule and paper work are preliminary copies and aren’t enforcable until Dad has the ones with the state seal. Mom knows that and refuses to comply until she can be legally be held in contempt. So he has to wait on official papers until he can see his child. If Mom still doesn’t comply when he receives official papers, Dad will follow your steps above and have Mom held in contempt.
Does this process normally take this long (May to November)? Or is dad doing something wrong? (or poor legal representation? or bad judge?)
He isn’t behind on support payments but the sad part is that the Alabama court system would make him catch up if he were while doing nothing about making up for denied visitation. There needs to be reform in regards to enforcing visitation in a timely manner. Thanks for all your input!
Lee,
i will try to state only fact. I have a 5 year old child with asthma. My child has not had visitation with his bio father since 12/25/2006 and has not seen him or the g-mother since April of 2007. Now all of a sudden my child is receiving mail( a birthday and valentine card) from them. I have a strong feeling that they are about to try to ask for visitation. My question is am I obligated by alabama law to let the father have over night visitation? isn’t not enforcing your right for visitation to see your child for 14 months concidered abandoment? The father has 3 other children that he has been in and out of their lives too sometimes for a year or longer. Then he wants to see them then he’s gone again and we, the mothers, are left to pick up the peices. I understand that my child deserves the right to know his father but how can the law enforce vistation under this kind of circumstances? Am i the only one that thinks this is crul to the child? In reference to the child’s asthma I begged the courts not to allow over night visatation or for the father to attend parenting class and was denined. i told the courts that my child would have an attack while in the fathers care and the father would not seek medical attention due to he did not beleive that it is server as it is. Even had a letter from the doctor. and in Novemeber of 2006 that is exactly what happened. My Child suffered for over24 hours with his asthma and they didnt even take him to the doctor that is open 7 days a week. it took my current husband and I, 2 trips to the doctor, 2 1/2 weeks of almost 24 hour care to get him well and that was just after a week end visit. his father did smoke in the little 1 bedroom apartment with my child in it. where is father is today i have no idea. how does the law protect children from a father like this?
I just found out that my ex is in jail indefenitley and my children do not know. He has scheduled everyother weekend visitation. My question is do i have to let his mother pick them up and take them to her house for visitation with her even though he is incarcerated? she doesnt know i know and is playing it off like they are going to his house for the weekend. I live in virginia and do not know the law about this.
I am the grandmother of a 3 1/2 year old boy who is severely disabled. My son was fourteen at the time his son was conceived and the mother was almost eighteen. The mother and her family have given us nothing but heartache and trouble since our grandson was born with regards to visitation and support. The mother moved in with us for a two year period of time because the violence and drug abuse at her grandparents house was not suitable for my grandson. I have quite a bit of experience with children with disabilities as my two oldest sons each have MR and autism. The mother I believe has bi-polar and possibly schizophrenia. She exhibited many of the signs of both conditions while she lived with us. My son and her attended a conciliation hearing on April 4th, 2008, they were awarded joint physical and legal custody. My son is to have his son every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday as well as every other weekend (Friday, Saturday and Sunday). The mother is refusing on the grounds that it’s too much running around for her. My son has offered to pick him up and drop him off, but she still will not allow him access to his son. My son is getting very frustrated with the system, his lawyer is trying to get this straightened out, but he continues to hit road blocks. The mother’s grandfather is a public official in our county so I’m thinking that has something to do with it. What can my son do?
If the decree awards him the time with his son, he just needs to enforce the decree. Tell him to start here: https://divorceinfo.com/enforcement.htm.
Lee, have you ever known a judge to change custody due to grossly violating a visitation order?
Thanks,
Mike
Yes, but not for one violation. On the other hand, if the CP consistently violates the judge’s decree after the judge has warned him or her that continued violations may result in a change of custody, judges have the power to act if they think the change would promote the child’s best interest.
I am about to go through a visitation case, my sone has sever food alergies and enviornmental allergies and becomes deathly ill. I was advised nd have documentation from his physcian that he be in my care soley. My problem is His father and I are not married, how do visitation/custody effect un wed couples. His father had a paternity test, but in SC I was told he had to petition to declare he was the father the paterntity test was provded due to Medicaid. He hs not particiipated in his sons life consistantly for the past two years. Our son is two. I cannot afford a lawyer, and legal aide refused me. If he would have attended more thatn two Dr. appointment in our sons entire life I ‘d be more open. But he block me at every offer I make and excludes himself becasue I have to be there. I try to give him space, but not leave and go home. This has also been in front of child services and they left me with..as long as he has no acces to the child there is no reason fo us to look into his alchol an drug abuse. Sould i recontact with child services since he is petitioning ofr visitation, on to of all this I recently moved out of state, we are ten hours apart, he only didi it becaue I was moving out of state. i am actuallly in fear of my childs life bcaue his condition is day by day. Is ther any wherI can look up for advice or can some one here help..please
In Alabama, if the court ruling gives a father every other weekend visitation and gives joint custody with the mother as the custodial parent, can the father just show up at ballgames, swim lessons, etc. which are not on his weekends?
Yup. Barring a court otherwise, he sure can.
I received a court order for visitation in 2005. Mother fled the State after my first court ordered visit. It has taken me 2 years to locate her, and a mailing address (p.O. Box). I now have not seen my children in 2 years. She lives in a different State then where I received the visitation order. Can you reply via e-mail. Thank you.
jwatson0927@gmail.com
If you’re still living in the state that issued the order, you probably still have jurisdiction over Mom in that state. If you have moved to a different state, you’ll probably need to go to the state where Mom and the kids now live to get jurisdiction. A assume you already have an order in place. If so, before you file anything, write Mom a letter as per https://divorceinfo.com/enforcement.htm and give her a chance to comply. May save you a lot of money.
Desperately need to know what I can do to get to see my grandchild. My daughter “punishes” me thru this 17 month old little girl…for whatever reason she came dream up next. (last time it was the fact that she called me during the middle of a physical fight with her husband, and I asked her to calm down because the baby was crying..so pitiful) she said F.U….I went over to check on my grandbaby…and also took my daughter money(that’s what the fight was about between them) She said “I don’t want it”…baby was clinging to me …and crying as her mother pulled her off me…and told me to get out…Honestly , this is the most difficult thing to cope with, my child is bery strange and actually cruel…maybe my fauult, I do not know…I am Bipolar, my husband of three years has a criminal record, Sounds like the trashiest people on God’s earth, but believe me…I am a good personl, retired from same profession for 25 years, husband has highly skilled contruction job, we make decent money , have a lovely home, attend church, and love that grandbaby so much…daughter owes us thousands of dollars, including money for a drug felony…what do I do…hopeless in Alabama
email addres was incorrect on a submission to you…wild inquiry..seeming almost like something out of a soap opera, or better yet , a horror movie…bipolar grandmother with husband that has a criminal record…seeks visitation with grandchild….in ALABAMA..and sterotypical as it seems , being from Al…my daughter hates the fact that my husband and I are first cousins…did not grow up together…at all…met first time…when we were set up for a date…told you this was a wierd situatio, and the more I write about it, the worse it gets…but I am in so much apin, missing that little girl…opeless in AL.
My friend (male) is married; with one child (7yrs). Parents have been seperated for 6 years, mother refuses to sign divorce papers. My friend has agreed to everything she wanted and then she changes her mind. My friend was awarded visitation; however, mother will does not show up. If y friend attempts to pu child, she has him arestted for trustpassing. He pays his CS every month. My friend would like to know if there is a way he can get divorced in MS without the other parties signature? He is wanting to move on with his life, but can not because he is still legally married to this woman. Please reply to me via email.
Thanks
I went to court today and the judge ordered this
SSUES ARGUED BY BOTH SIDES.
RESTRAINING ORDER (DOMESTIC VIOLENCE) GRANTED.
RESTRAINING ORDERS MODIFIED.
REQUEST FOR STAY AWAY ORDERS IS DENIED.
REQUEST FOR MOVE OUT ORDER IS DENIED
THIS ORDER, EXCEPT FOR ANY AWARD OF CHILD CUSTODY OR VISITATION, SHALL EXPIRE AT MIDNIGHT ON 08/26/13.
RESTRAINED PERSON MUST SURRENDER TO LAW ENFORCEMENT OR SELL A LICENSED GUN DEALER ANY FIREARM(S) IN OR SUBJECT TO HIS OR HER CONTROL OR POSSESSION, WITHIN 24 HOURS OF SERVICE OF THIS ORDER.
PETITIONER STATES UNDER OATH SHE DOES NOT HAVE ANY FIREARMS/GUNS/AMMUNITION IN HER POSSESSION
RESPONDENT INDICATES SHE DOES NOT
PROTECTED PERSON(S) MAY RECORD ANY PROHIBITED COMMUNICATION MADE TO THEM BY THE RESTRAINED PERSON.
RESPONDENT AWARDED LEGAL AND PHYSICAL CUSTODY OF THE MINOR(S)
PETITIONER SHALL HAVE SUPERVISED VISITATION WITH A COURT APPROVED
NON-PROFESSIONAL MONITOR. EITHER PARTY MAY SEEK TO HAVE A NON-PROFESSIONAL MONITOR APPROVED BY
THE COURT UPON EX PARTE APPLICATION
What I am confused about is he granted the domestic violence restraining order but denied the move out order and the stay away order and gave my X husband full custody of our daughter
I still live in this home with my X and I see my daughter daily
Did the judge not hear this when he made his ruling?
Im so confused as to what it all really means
Should I contest this and if so what steps do I need to take
It’s not at all unusual for a judge to miss a key fact. You are steeped in this stuff and spend almost every waking hour with it, but the judge has had to absorb it in one sitting.
I don’t know in what state this happened, but I bet wherever you are, you have a procedure available like a Rule 59 motion to alter, amend, or vacate a judgment. Ask your attorney to file it pronto, point out the obvious disconnect, and ask for appropriate relief.
this is not a reply, but a question. my son and his wife is going thru a divorce. It started back in may 2007 maybe several years before this but i only found out in may. my son caught his wife cheating on him with several men she had meet on web. she had lost a lot of weight and i do believe that brought this on because she was in love with her self. my son was devasted. he and she has a daughter 10 yrs. They have been married for 10 yrs and i believe this was intrapment. he began drinking with her very heavily and she would call police on him. she had him committed in mental facility for one night and was released. he ask to seek marriage counciling but she refused.This went on until july. Not to get ahead of myself, she was arrested in jacksonville, fl on way to orlando. my son worked out of town due to more money to keep her up. They own a home in tennessee but work provided home in orlando. she was sited for dui. her license was suspended for 6 months. She left her daughter with other grandmother in tn and came back and picked her up last of feburary. i visited in april and she was drunk around her daughter. In oct after she left in july my son was arrested for dui, lost his dl. he flew in on several occasions and she stayed with him in motel until feb of 2008 and she had him arrested again because she was afraid for her life after staying with him, going out to eat and threatened her. He was arrested again 25,000 bond. But i forgot to mention in janurary she conned him into going in debt for a new car in which he made payments and child support to her but she is driving. They own a home together in tn and now he is in jail again because of lies and is in max security waiting trial no bond. The home was due to be auctioned off for back taxes and my daughter stepped in got power of attorney and paid these and was in process of leaseing out home to make mortgage payments to save home due to wife has not lived in home for three years and even informed law agency she did not want home. Now wife wants to move someone in home ( brother ) now that my daughter has almost got this worked out. My daughter and I have been advised, even tho we both have power of attorney not to go near home or will be proscecuted. any suggestions?
I had an order put in place in 2001, that granted me leagl and physical custody of my daughter, and her father visitation every other weekend. My daughter has seen him once since then and he told me that since I wanted full custody, then I could take care of her full time. In October of 2008, he petitioned the court to have visitation. My daughter is 10 years old now. How likely is it that a judge will grant this, especially if the father will lies about where he lives?
I think it likely the court would work to ensure that Dad can spend time with his daughter; I know I would if I were a judge, and I wouldn’t let the fact that he has lied about his residence interfere with that. If I were you, I would begin working now to develop a schedule with Dad that allows a gentle transition to time with his daughter, like going with him and her the first time to a fast food place and back, then he takes her to supper alone, then they spend an afternoon together, etc. If you leave it up to a judge, my guess is that the judge will simply order that you comply with the visitation schedule, so the sooner you get proactive and make this more gentle for your daughter, the better off everybody will be.
I have a question about visitation. My ex has visitation every other weekend. He has started getting upset about my teenager daughters extracurricular activities. She is very involved and has been a competitive cheerleader. He decided that he was tired of her having activities on his weekends and made her quit Allstar Cheer. She had a trumpet Solo to do this weekend (which was his weekend) and refused to allow her to go (he knew about it 2 months ago and did say anything until the day ). My daughter is very upset. I am worried that he will keep doing this as he has said if an activity happens on his weekend that she will not be allowed to go (he even said no “prom”). Are there any rules regarding visitation or any guidance that I can review for situations like this?
No, no rules other than the one that Dad can insist that the child’s activities not be allowed to interfere with his assigned visitation periods. You cannot win by trying to fight this one for your daughter. Your response should be simple and mind-numbingly consistent: “Honey, this is what the judge has ordered us to do, and neither you nor I has any choice about it. I’m sorry.”
In my experience, children tend to be pretty good at handling this themselves, and you should let her do that.
I think he is being selfish. He was fine until now. She has tried to stand up to him but he plays her just like he played me when we were married. The world centers around him. Her crying her eyes out to him meant nothing. I think the thing that made me the maddest was that he played the money card-he told her that “we” could not afford her to cheer for allstars and school. The clincher is I pay for all of her activities and have never asked him for anything more than basic child support (which he has not paid since March). I just think its ironic that he is suddenly pushing for time with his kids yet while we were married he could not wait to get away to his many girlfriends-go figure. I have tried to be lenient with him and have worked with him on money and other issues but now I feel like I am getting kicked in the tail. Thanks Alison
My husband has a son the he just started getting visitation with. He had a rough time being able to see the child much because him and the mother broke up before the child was born and right before the child was born my husband was diagnosed with epilepsy and didn’t have any transportation or driver’s license. The mother (his ex-girlfriend) wouldn’t bring the child to see him because she felt that he lived too far away and if he wanted to see the child he would get there somehow. My husband managed to see him a few times in the five years prior to going to court for visitation. I met my husband when his son was 2 years old. We have gone through many challenging times but once our lives were in order (my husband is in college, has a decent job, we’re married, he is on stable medications that prevent him from having any type of siezures)he went to court to file visitation. The court order started out with “supervised” visits where the mother was the “supervisor” every Saturday for a month. Then the visits went to unsupervised every other Saturday for a month. These visits have been a problem to begin with. The mother and her step mother and the mother’s husband won’t allow the child to call my husband dad and the child told us that his mom said that my husband is his fake dad and his step dad is his real dad. She harrassed me and my husband. Her husband threatened my husband to the point where we just went and filed a police report in cause something worse happens then the police would see that there has been issues before. My husband’s son told me that my daughter is not a sister like his other sister because I’m not his mom and my husband is a fake dad. He had to see his mom cry hysterically and his stepdad threaten my husband on numerous occasions. One time to the point where a police officer basically told them that they were wrong. He wanted to call him mom or stepgrandma during our visits because he said that they told him to call them when he was getting too happy with us. He said that they told him that he shouldn’t let us take his picture or they will “get him.” It’s just been rediculous. The mother and her husband were nice for the first two “supervised visits” but when my husband wanted to make up a visit that they wanted to skip, they became very upset apparently. Then they had a mediation where they were able to try to work things out. The mediator seemed to be biased by saying how she is a single mother and can understand how this is difficult. Then she also said that it would be better for them if it didn’t go to court because then there would be a set schedule. So instead of getting to minimum amount of visitation with his child he wound up with less than that. My husband ended up agreeing to something that doesn’t seem very substantial in my opinion. He get’s the child every other weekend, we pick him up at 7 pm (we live an hour away so he wouldn’t get to our home until 8 pm), then the mother picks him up at 10 am on Sunday because she didn’t want him going to our Baptist church with us because she goes to a non-denominational church and used to go to a Baptist church and said everyone was “stuck up their butts.” He never gets him on any Christmas only the 5 days leading up to Christmas. They are “splitting” Thanksgiving and spring break. My husband also gets him every other halloween and for only 2 weeks out of the whole summer with no more than 1 week at a time. At the review my husband and the mother were getting along alright. Today is his first every other weekend visit. He called the mother to let her know that he would be there at 7 pm to pick him up and wanted to see if she would just want to pick him up at 7 pm the next day because they agreed to only have him over for one night for a while until he was used to spending the night with us they also agreed that the parent starting their time with the child would pick him up. So my husband should pick the child up at the mother’s house and the mother should pick the child up from our house. She didn’t want him to stay until 7 pm and she wanted us to drop him back off at her house because her car wasn’t running and her in-laws, who’s cars she is always using, are not going to be there for different reasons. My husband agreed to drop him off this one time but we don’t know what to do if she asks again because we live far away and we only have one vehicle that we can use and it is very old and takes a lot of gas because it is a suv. Also my husband is being nice and agreeing to step away from the court order and allow one night every other weekend for about four or five months. I think he should be allowed to keep him until 7 pm because that would make it a total 24 hours and at least two of them will be spent driving. She also wanted us to buy him clothes for when he was here and we don’t have that kind of money right now. She also wants my husband to give her money to buy him school clothes but we don’t have any money to give other than the child support that takes over half of his checks because child support takes 45 days to review where we live. Not only that but when we do get him clothes we would like to buy them ourselves to make sure that is what the money is for. He has just been lied to so many times about excuses for missing visits and cars being broke down that it’s hard to trust them. I just feel like my husband has been taken advantage of the whole time and I don’t like seeing this child feel like he needs to take care of his mommy when she is hysterically crying in front of him. Could you please give me some advice. I know this is a lot but I guess I feel like if someone doesn’t know the background it’s harder to give help for the future. Thank you so much.
Thanks,
Katie
Me and my ex wife recently just got a divorce. A week after the divorce was finalalized she moved to Florida. I live in South Carolina. In our divorce decree it states that I get my son every other weekend(picking him up from daycare on Fridays and dropping him off Monday mornings). Now with her living in a different state I will have to drive an hour and a half to meet her to pick him up. My vehicle in not the the best condition to be driving such far distance so many times out of the month. That’s about 600 miles being put on my car in a month. I asked her if it would be ok for me to have my son for 2 weeks instead of every other weekend and she keeps him for a month at a time. She said “NO”. What am I suppose to do in a situation like this?
Many states have special visitation schedules just for children who are separated from the NCP by distance. You can see an example of these schedules here: https://divorceinfo.com/standardvisitation.htm#SeparatedByDistance .
Ask your lawyer if this kind of schedule is available to you.
What would be considered “contempt of court” on a visitation schedule that is “to be mutually agreed upon by the parties?
Beats me. I would assume it would be nearly impossible.
I had a relationship on again off again with a woman we will call sally. She had a son by anouther man and then became pregnant with my child. She would tell me he was mine then hes not yours back and forth for a few years our realtionship was not healthy and I left. I was contacted 4 years ago she put my son on gov asstance and they wanted child support. I asked for a DNA test and he was mine I hired a lawyer in her state I had moved out of state and I was going to go to court to have my name on the birth certificate and to pay support and get vistitation. As I was going to her state my lawyer called and told me she took him off of gov assistance and she wanted nothing from me and my son wanted nothing to do with me. I just found my son again and we have begun talking he now lives with her parents and they want child support i understand that but they want 15 years in back child support the DNA test was 4 years ago and before that I was told he was not my child. Am I liable to them for support souldnt his mom have to split it sence he does not live with her eighter do I have to pay 15 years in back support. do i have to go to court in thier state or can i file in mine. Lost and confused. I dont want to lose my son again but I dont want to be taken addvantage of eighter. I have a family a wife who is going to school and three children one whom has sever back problems and may require rods in his back. so money is tight.
I can’t speak for your state. In mine, it would be rare (not unheard of, but rare) for a judge to go back more than two years before the filing date in a case where Mom simply failed to file for many years. A lawyer in your state should be able to answer this question for you, and it sounds like you would sleep better if you spend a few dollars to find out.
Lee, I have been busy filing amendment to change custody, visitation, and contempt and after there was no answer in 30 days i filed a default. there has been no child support or phone calls all year no visits since last year when he came for a supervised visit and attacked me. he got probation and i got another 2 years added on to my already existing protection order. my question to you is. he hasnt paid child support he hasnt called i have him on tape saying he has been working under the table (oops) so he has money he just doesnt want to pay for things. this has been going on for 4 years the no calls the no child support he calls maybe once a year i think he wakes up and said hey i think i want to play daddy today… but anyways i was looking up the legal guidlines for abandonment and i was seeing if it fits….. we have joint custody he is suppose to get her every other weekend pay support make sure she has med ins and some other things that he did not do. so i filed all i could file… and now that he has been served he has called 2 i am filing for an emergency hearing so he cant say i want to see her when she hasnt seen him in 2 years she doesnt know him i cant just let her go over there. so what are the guidlines on neglect or abandonment. we were never married never lived together. it was a crazy thing were he was crazy stalked me and he has several criminal charges from it…..