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Author Topic: How much stress can one person take?  (Read 4192 times)
Stiff Upper Lip
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« Reply #15 on: April 29, 2008, 10:23:44 PM »

Thank you to everyone for encouragement and advise.  It's means everything to me right now.

On the topic of health, last month I had an unbelievable experience that is hard to frame in words.  I was with my stbx at a court meeting in downtown.  We were going through a court ordered class and were getting a bite to eat at a cafe.  I paid for my tea and walked around the corner to find a seat.  I noticed a man in a suit around his mid 50's.  Didn't think anything about it.  My stbx joined me and we were there eating talking quietly for several minutes when this man came up to me and said the following, "You don't know who I am but I feel a strong need to tell you something".  The man continued, "I don't want to alarm you but you have a medical condition but you're going to be okay".  "I feel your condition is centered in your left lung.  This man talked with such calmness and peace that it was hard to not beleive him.  He went on to say that he is a minister and showed me his ID and gave his phone number.  Saying to call him any time.  He then wished me and my stbx a good dayand left. 

I was completely dumbfounded and shocked that I immediately broke down and cried.  I had a terrible reaction to antibiotics last spring and it felt like my lungs were seared.  Weeks before I saw this man I'd been feeling the same pain in my chest.
 
I called him the next day and he relayed many instances where he has had medical intuitive abilities and have helped people just like myself. 

I went to the doc the next week and was confirmed to have asthma. 

Life goes on.


   

 

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Colleen
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« Reply #16 on: April 29, 2008, 11:33:12 PM »

Wow Sul,  so sorry to hear about all the crud that you are going thru.   You poor guy, now is the time to start looking after your health because if you lose that you could lose everything....hearing your story makes me want to reach out and slap your ex.
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Stephy
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« Reply #17 on: April 30, 2008, 02:31:41 AM »

SUL, I'm really sorry to hear what you've been going through.  I will echo what others said.  I know you will get through this.  Don't let anger and blame consume you, even after this latest blast of bad news.  Just prep yourself as much as you can for needing a new job now as opposed to needing one in 6 months or whatever.  Remember you have all of us here rooting for you. Smiley
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"Dwell in the peace of your own being and the messenger of death will not be able to touch you." - Guru Nanak
Someday
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« Reply #18 on: April 30, 2008, 08:05:18 AM »

And please, if your doctor didn't suggest it already - get retested.

I tested positive for Hep C - the retest was fine - some of the scariest days of my life.
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The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. - Hunter S. Thompson
Stiff Upper Lip
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« Reply #19 on: April 30, 2008, 09:31:55 AM »

I talked to a confidant last night and he said, and I agreed that I probably should get tested across the board for std's.  Man, I tell ya...std's from stbx...I should write a book.  The title would be "I married a virgin and still got herpes".  I'll do seminars telling high school kids, "it can happen to you".  That's the ticket.  I'll use the fear of God to sell my book.  Should I start in the bible belt?

Sorry, back to reality...   
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ollie
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« Reply #20 on: April 30, 2008, 07:38:42 PM »

Stiff Upper lip , I am sorry that you are having a run of bad situations. I think we could all join a club. I have had some hard knocks this past year too and it keeps coming. I have to calm myself down sometimes and just relax and most of the time I try to find something funny about it. I am a big goof most of the time and I like it.

I would go get tested for anything and everything. Sorry about that. If I had had sex with my stbx when he returned from Iraq, I would have gone immediately. You never know and you don't know how many partners the other person has been with. It all gets too ugly. I guess I was lucky that he couldn't or wouldn't. I don't know which but it saved me some blood work. You really do need to take care of that and take care of you, period.

The things you have gone through and going through are all so stressful. This is a short version of what happened with me.

 I found out my stbx was cheating, had cheated and was leaving me asap. I was not working but in school full time with a teenage son. He was also going to cut me off finanacially and basically I would have been on the street. I ended up going to an attorney ,getting the legal separation set up, moving back to hometown, got a job, found a place to live. I got job #2 in Sept. and went back to school in Jan. I worked some weeks 6 days with school 4 nights. Mom helped with son and I have just this week stopped to relax. The stbx had to get ugly several times , threaten me with custody, ignored son when he visited, was to busy with new gf or the ow , I don't know. He is a pain in my ass most of the time, still dictating, trying to imtimidate, and basically your average ass. I do know where you are coming from.

The great folks on here helped me with esteem building techniques, good advice and lessons in how to set boundaries.

I have to find a better job now so I will be looking all summer. I need health insurance because I will be dropped as soon as the paper work goes through. I am even thinking about applying for medicade. I have also been sick and should find out soon what is going on. I will explain in another post tonight. I know what stress of a divorce can do and I know what worrying about a job and just trying to keep your head above water. I am lucky that I have my Mom that helps some and she is great with my son. I have a wonderful family who is not going to let anything happen to me and I have found out who my true friends are and who is there for me. I am blessed in so many ways.

I have to remember that some days when I am so down but you can make it through this. It is not fair and that is a fact. I have to say sometimes to people who complain about stuff all the time and ask why me. I always say , why not me. Bad things happens to good people all the time. Good things happen too and I am always grateful for the good things that come my way.

I just want you to know that you are not alone and all of us on here have experienced some pretty crappy things and we learn from it and go forward. You can not do anything about the past but you can make a happy good life with you and your daughter. Things will work out. I keep telling myself that too.
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We have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best you have to give.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Patty
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« Reply #21 on: April 30, 2008, 08:19:34 PM »

You can endure a lot more stress than you ever thought you could.

On June 4, 1998, my husband of 28 years came home and blindsided me with "I want a divorce."  He was involved with one of our employees, 16 years younger than him, and also married.  I didn't have a clue......

I was losing my marriage, I was losing my home and having to move into an apartment to be on my own for the first time in my life........ he and his partners fired me......... my estranged father died and I had to take care of all his messy stuff....... I lost any family that I had........ and I was diagnosed with cancer and had major surgery.......    All of this within *nine months*......

I spent the next several years going through radiation, chemo, and surgical procedures......

Because of treatment damage, I am legally disabled, live on disability and food stamps.

I was told by a jerk doctor that I had 18 months to live........

I think you'd have to agree that I had a lot of "stress" in my life....

The doctor that told me I had 18 months to live did so in 2001.  I'm getting ready to celebrate my 60th birthday this month and have been cancer free for almost 4 years.......due to a wonderful doctor that wanted me to try a treatment that everyone else said wouldn't work.........

I deal with daily health issues, and can't afford to do much of anything.....  but

I'm surrounded with wonderful friends, most of whom I've had in my life for 30 years or more......

Several of my friends will be there to celebrate my 60th with me, including a friend coming from Australia just for my party......

I'm involved with charity works..... and most of the time I'm ok......

My point is...... yes... you have a lot on your plate right now.... but.... how you get through it will be how you face it....

Wasting energy on hatred and anger will do you no good.  Yes.. you need to deal with those things, but don't let them take over your life.

I only read one book on divorce.... "When the Vow Breaks:  A guide for Christians Going Through Divorce.  But the book that helped me the very most was one given to me by the American Cancer Society on how to deal with cancer.  Two pieces of advice from it now govern my life.  Be as positive as you can be, and surround yourself with positive people.

If you can follow that advice, you can get through anything.

One of my favorite sayings is (and you can substitute "man" for "woman") "A woman is like a tea bag.... you don't know how strong she is until she's dropped into hot water."
« Last Edit: April 30, 2008, 08:41:35 PM by Patty » Logged
TC
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« Reply #22 on: April 30, 2008, 08:25:26 PM »

Great Post Patty!

TC
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Colleen
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« Reply #23 on: April 30, 2008, 09:28:07 PM »

Wow it is so encouraging to hear peoples posts and how they deal with them.  I can see that there is hope for my future, so many people on this site share and encourage all of us...thank you ....SUL...I feel so bad for you I really do.....I still want to slap her....please let me...and may be do more than that.
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msveemomx03
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« Reply #24 on: April 30, 2008, 11:45:23 PM »

Wonderful post Patty, thank you...wow, and I thought I'd been through alot, although I did go through cancer with my sister during my divorce.

Congrats on being a "Survivor" ?

(((hugs))) LuAnne
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Stiff Upper Lip
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« Reply #25 on: May 01, 2008, 12:13:49 AM »

Wow it is so encouraging to hear peoples posts and how they deal with them.  I can see that there is hope for my future, so many people on this site share and encourage all of us...thank you ....SUL...I feel so bad for you I really do.....I still want to slap her....please let me...and may be do more than that.


You have my permission to unleash all the fury you like.   Wink


Patty

That is a very inspirational post.  Makes me realize how trivial my problems really are. 
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ORLY
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« Reply #26 on: May 01, 2008, 12:27:44 AM »

That is a very inspirational post.  Makes me realize how trivial my problems really are.  [/b][/font]

NOBODY'S problems are trivial.  As long as they are not trivial to that person, they are not trivial, period.  "Trivial"is a label, and it's an inherently relative one.  It inherently means that one problem is being held up to, and compared to, some other problem.

If you've lived your life in absolute perfection, without so much as a single moment of physical or emotional pain, and then stub your toe really badly... I would imagine it would rock your world.  If you ran around trying to describe how horrific the experience of stubbing your toe was, almost everyone would look at you like you were insane.  A kinder soul would listen.  A kinder soul yet would gently try to help you realize that there are worse things in the world to endure, without being disrespectful to the very real pain that you endured... regardless of how much pain they'd been through themselves.

When I was 17 years old, I wrote a poem that included the line "one man's thunderstorm is another man's kite-flying weather".  I've tried to never lose sight of that, although I often do.  I also oftentimes fall well short of the "kinder soul" heirarchy I listed above... but I try.  I really do.

Everyone's trials are very real, as are their tribulations.  My best friend and I were discussion the idea of a website called "www.BeEpic.com", that would encourage people to experience the "Epic" version of their lives... but would be sectioned off by where you were in life.  It's an undeniable reality that when you're in a deep depression, simply making the decision to sit up, swing over, and place your feet on the floor next to the bed is an "Epic" feat... and it should be celebrated as such, with and alongside others that understand that.  When your live is really moving along, other things are "Epic".  It's all personalized, and all relative... and none of it should be diminished.

Patty's accomplishments are indeed Epic.  But, I would argue, so are all of ours.  That does not diminish Patty's one iota.  Patty's accomplishments are something that are inspiriing to anyone that has dealt with anything less... but that does not give her a reason to treat anyone else with anything less than kindness, understanding of where they are at in life, and respect.  In short, one person's accomplishments does not need to diminish anothers, and one persons pain does not need to diminish anothers.

We're all in this together, and hopefully, our primary purpose here is to help and support each other.  Our methods may differ, but I would hope that our aims remain the same.

God bless you all!

Over 'n out.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2008, 12:30:25 AM by Bofemus » Logged
Patty
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« Reply #27 on: May 01, 2008, 12:28:55 AM »

Well.. I didn't post it to trivialize your stress factors.  I just wanted to show you that a person can overcome and deal with extreme stress.  The secret to getting through it is *how* you face it.  Dwelling on blame..... anger....... hate......  will not help.





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ORLY
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« Reply #28 on: May 01, 2008, 12:42:34 AM »

Patty, I wasn't trying to point a finger at you, or imply that you were trying to trivialize anything.  PLEASE believe that, because it's true.  I was just trying to add some additional perspective to things...  I have the utmost respect and admiration for what you've surmounted in your life.

However, on a completely separate note... I've seen a very consistent trend in your responses that are extremely defensive.  It's almost as if you search the responses of others that are even loosely linked to yours, and hunt for things to be defensive about.  And I hate to say it, but I can only assume that you'll feel a need to be defensive about this very thing that I'm writing.  I respectfully request that you examine this defensive nature of yours, because I've seen it pop up no small number of times.

If you now feel moved to take a pot-shot at me, you're welcome to it... I've got a big pot to shoot at.  But please know that I am not "taking a shot" at you, I'm (with admitted trepidation) trying to encourage you to examine something about yourself.  With how much strength you've show overall, I can only imagine you could take this on if you chose to.  Hoss has had a habit for quite some time of simply sparring with this aspect of yours, and turning it into something even worse... but someone can only push a button if the button is there to push.

I promise that I will never bring this up again, in any fashion... but with how much you've overcome, I just wanted to take one shot at encouraging you to overcome just a bit more.
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chill
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« Reply #29 on: May 01, 2008, 12:43:56 AM »

Brings to mind two sayings.

Experience happens when you don't get what you want.  And

Brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it bad enough.

You see when something happens, even if it is so horrible, and devestating, if you learn One thing, just one thing, something good has come out of something bad.

So...if you ever get knocked down, you can sit there for a while......but eventually you need to stand up, dust yourself off, lift your chin up high, and say, I will succeed.  NO matter what.
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