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Author Topic: spouse won't sign divorce papers  (Read 5530 times)
2004-200?
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« on: March 09, 2009, 10:07:11 AM »

My husband is currently engaged to his pregnant girlfriend (she's due in June). I think he's trying to get out of marrying her by not signing the divorce papers. We mutually agreed to get a divorce when I caught him cheating and he went ahead and filed for divorce. They are supposed to get married May 30th because she wanted to be married before she gave birth.
They were supposed to get married in February originally but since he never signed the divorce papers they had to move the wedding date. I'm not sure what he told her but I think he told her that I was the one refusing to sign.
Since he filed for the divorce (petitioner) but never signed the papers and I (the respondant) signed them, what can I do to make sure the divorce goes through?
I don't know what to do. He keeps saying he wants to be with me but this poor girl is pregnant and he did cheat on me with her so obviously he chose her over me even if he now regrets his decision. He wants to halt their engagement but I keep trying to push them together, even referring to them as already being married, using his last name for her, etc. Anything I can do. I don't refer to myself as his wife, I am nice to his girlfriend (who is a very nice person and does not know about our marriage). I would like for our divorce to go through because he has treated me so shabbily and has a history of cheating but if he won't sign what can I do?
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TC
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« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2009, 10:13:10 AM »

I'm assming the two of you tried to do the divorce without attorneys involved and you have no legal representation?

Assuming this is true, the only thing you can do is get and attorney and tell them what has transpired to this point and that you want them to secure a legal divorce for you.

TC
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livealittle
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« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2009, 10:23:54 AM »

I suggest you see an attorney.  I got my divorce by default judgement, but I was the petitiioner.  Not sure what happens if the petitioner doesn't sign. 

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2004-200?
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« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2009, 11:07:05 AM »

We had lawyers when we made the divorce and all the custody/child support/visitation stuff. We settled everything out of court but the lawyers were there to make the papers for us.
I'm not sure how he petitioned for the divorce without signing the papers or how he managed to not somehow automatically have his name signed to them since he petitioned but he managed it. I've tried googling for info and apparently it's not too common but does happen, however, usually it is the respondant that refuses to sign. In the cases I could find where the petitioner refused to sign but the respondant did sign there seemed to be paperwork involved to make the divorce go through and it seemed like it was much easier than if the respondant refused to sign. I'm trying to avoid a trip to the lawyer by doing the paperwork myself but I don't know what papers to file, what it's called. I'm going to check out what you said though. Maybe it's the same paperwork necessary for my situation.
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m_t
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« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2009, 11:15:07 AM »

I'm dying of curiosity - just who does this other woman think you are? A family friend? His sister? What about the kids? Seriously - how is it she has NO idea? I mean.... that is all a bit... odd.
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InDenial
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« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2009, 11:20:29 AM »

I'll be intrigued to hear what happens, because I may be in similar situation.

My STBX originally wanted the divorce and filed the petition.  Now he's dragging things out by not following through with requests for information.  We too are trying to keep costs down by minimizing lawyer time.  We mediated all the major stuff--custody, child support, division of major assets-- and the remaining issues are exceedingly minor. 

In my case, he's stalling because "it's painful to think about".  He got what he wanted -- the freedom to run around -- by moving out. The legal niceties of divorce are not so important to him.

It seems to me that perhaps your solution is to file a petition for divorce yourself, using the terms he already agreed to. If he doesn't sign, eventually you will have your divorce by default.


What a pair of childish losers we married!
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TC
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« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2009, 11:25:38 AM »

We had lawyers when we made the divorce and all the custody/child support/visitation stuff. We settled everything out of court but the lawyers were there to make the papers for us.
I'm not sure how he petitioned for the divorce without signing the papers or how he managed to not somehow automatically have his name signed to them since he petitioned but he managed it. I've tried googling for info and apparently it's not too common but does happen, however, usually it is the respondant that refuses to sign. In the cases I could find where the petitioner refused to sign but the respondant did sign there seemed to be paperwork involved to make the divorce go through and it seemed like it was much easier than if the respondant refused to sign. I'm trying to avoid a trip to the lawyer by doing the paperwork myself but I don't know what papers to file, what it's called. I'm going to check out what you said though. Maybe it's the same paperwork necessary for my situation.

I'd be making an appt with the lawyer asap.....this is not somethign you want to try on your own imo.

TC
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TC
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« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2009, 11:26:22 AM »

I'm dying of curiosity - just who does this other woman think you are? A family friend? His sister? What about the kids? Seriously - how is it she has NO idea? I mean.... that is all a bit... odd.

That caught my attention too......

T
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Ann Marie
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« Reply #8 on: March 09, 2009, 12:02:09 PM »

My husband is currently engaged to his pregnant girlfriend (she's due in June). I think he's trying to get out of marrying her by not signing the divorce papers. We mutually agreed to get a divorce when I caught him cheating and he went ahead and filed for divorce. They are supposed to get married May 30th because she wanted to be married before she gave birth.
They were supposed to get married in February originally but since he never signed the divorce papers they had to move the wedding date. I'm not sure what he told her but I think he told her that I was the one refusing to sign.

Well, this is easy....

First, call a lawyer

Secondly...

Call the girlfriend and tell her you want the divorce.

Tell her that you've been waiting long enough for it. You have no intentions of reconciling with him, and would love for him to sign the papers so that she and he can be married before the baby is born.

After that, let those 2 deal with it.

JMO
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Cam
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« Reply #9 on: March 09, 2009, 01:09:08 PM »

I'll be intrigued to hear what happens, because I may be in similar situation.

My STBX originally wanted the divorce and filed the petition.  Now he's dragging things out by not following through with requests for information.  We too are trying to keep costs down by minimizing lawyer time.  We mediated all the major stuff--custody, child support, division of major assets-- and the remaining issues are exceedingly minor. 

In my case, he's stalling because "it's painful to think about".  He got what he wanted -- the freedom to run around -- by moving out. The legal niceties of divorce are not so important to him.

It seems to me that perhaps your solution is to file a petition for divorce yourself, using the terms he already agreed to. If he doesn't sign, eventually you will have your divorce by default.


What a pair of childish losers we married!



Hey girl ,  I think our stbx's are related or got their morality from the same Cracker Jack's box. 
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ResetDad
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« Reply #10 on: March 09, 2009, 01:40:06 PM »

In the cases I could find where the petitioner refused to sign but the respondant did sign there seemed to be paperwork involved to make the divorce go through and it seemed like it was much easier than if the respondant refused to sign. I'm trying to avoid a trip to the lawyer by doing the paperwork myself but I don't know what papers to file, what it's called. I'm going to check out what you said though. Maybe it's the same paperwork necessary for my situation.

I think what you are talking about is the response to the original petition, you could have filed a cross complaint or counter petition which would have, in effect, continued the process should only one of the parties want to abort it.  It is probably called different things in different states.  I don't know if it would be too late now to file a counter petition ?

Best of luck to you Smiley
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chill
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« Reply #11 on: March 09, 2009, 01:40:53 PM »

I assume the GF thinks she is his ex wife.
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silly dreamer
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« Reply #12 on: March 09, 2009, 10:20:49 PM »

I like Ann Marie's approach... just get it all out there so EVERYONE knows what's going on. If he's too chicken to tell her, help him out!

However,... didn't you say you thought he told her your not signing was the reason for postponing in Feb? So, seems like she would know the situation??

Even if he signed tomorrow, wouldn't the time it takes for the attys to finish papers, file with signatures, and the judge to sign off on them, plus the waiting period to remarry be pushing the May 30th date? Heck,... slow as we hear things are moving in some places,... maybe even go beyond baby's arrival??

Geez... afraid to divorce you, afraid to marry her,... he needs to man up already! Make some decisions and take some responsibility. Sorry for your predicament.
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2004-200?
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« Reply #13 on: March 10, 2009, 01:13:20 AM »

Sorry! I guess I really didn't explain things too well!
I'm pretty sure she doesn't know we are married because I have heard through the grapevine that he told her that we happened to have sex but he never knew that I became pregnant and only found out because I supposedly tried to get a bunch of child support out of him.
There's also the possibility that she does know about our marriage.
As far as signing the papers, either she knows they are divorce papers or he's told her he wants to wait until the custody/visitation/child support papers are finished. I have no idea, just a lot of hearsay. I don't have her phone number. I only have his cell number because he moved.
She does seem like a nice person but seems to have extremely low self esteem plus the added stress of being pregnant with twins. He's not very nice to her. Somehow I'm going to find a way to slip her a note telling her if she needs to talk or needs help she can call me. He's always treated me badly. I hate how he's putting another girl through hell!
On a good note, right after I posted my last reply I somehow managed to convince him to sign the papers. I guess he finally realized that all those times I said I would never get back with him were the truth! So now I don't have to worry about the divorce not going through!
Not trying to sound all high and mighty but we did wait until marriage to have sex. It's a minor annoyance that some people might hear some version of the slutty girl out for his money story but I know the truth, he knows the truth, and my closest family and friends know the truth. I don't think of myself as better than anyone for having waited, it was just the right thing for us to do and a mutual decision. There is NO WAY that I would go around randomly having sex and then try to go after some random sex partner for money! Heck, if he just completely left us alone I would gladly go to the judge and tell him to not even bother with child support! His money means nothing! It's just some fancy paper. I'd rather do it on my own! I can, it's a struggle, but we can make it!

Indenial and Cam - lol apparently that was a particularly bad box of crackerjacks! There are some really good men out there. Sadly none of us on here has one but they do exist.
Indenial, I understand completely! He wants his freedom and this way he doesn't have to do any work. He just gets to play and have fun! Divorce is a major money drain. Worthwhile, but in this economy it's not always possible. Since it seems like all of your big issues have already been settled, maybe the last part won't be so expensive. I would think that since he petitioned for the divorce and you agree to it that you can ask a judge to do something called a Discovery (all the info you could ever want and then some!). My ex tried to refuse to give info and the judge ordered a Discovery so they could figure out child support. If you are extremely poor or in an abusive situation there are free lawyers. I know because my ex was abusive to me and I found tons of info online about lawyers working for free to help victims of abuse get divorces. I chose to pay for a lawyer because she is a very good one and really went the extra mile for me. My wallet is hurting but she did a lot for me! A couple of times she even let small expenses slide and she let me set up a payment plan (except for the retainer) where I paid as much as I could each month. Maybe you could find a lawyer like that to help you, although it seems like the advice everyone else gave to me today will work for you since you're in the same situation.
Good Luck!
It might not be a bad idea to meet with someone at your local courthouse. Sometimes they can point you in the right direction and /or help you fill out paperwork for certain things. Didn't work for me but I think the girl there was confused about what I was asking her. lol in case you can't tell I tend to talk too much!
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Stephy
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« Reply #14 on: March 10, 2009, 04:09:26 AM »

There are some really good men out there. Sadly none of us on here has one but they do exist.

You're new and don't know many of us yet, but I have to correct you on that one. Smiley  There are quite a few of us gals (and guys) that DO now have a good man/woman.  There are also a lot of people here who are single, but have found their strength and inner happiness also.  This board has been a big help in allowing people to discover what they need to do to be happy again.  Happiness truly comes from within first, and this board has been full of guidance on how to acheive it. Smiley

Not all of them post often anymore, but some come back once in a while to check in and see how they can help.  Others of us are still regulars, and we are still here for various reasons.  Mine are to help, correspond with friends, get tips on all sorts of areas of life, and get laughs.

I know early on in my crud, it was nice to see people post who had moved on.  It reinforced my belief that everything will indeed get better, perhaps better than I could have imagined.

I hope you don't think I'm picking on you.  I just wanted to point that out.  I hope you find what happiness means to you, and still stick around. Smiley
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"Dwell in the peace of your own being and the messenger of death will not be able to touch you." - Guru Nanak
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