Babysitter and the NCP

[laylalou]

If I occasionally, (as in, 2x per month), have an overnight babysitter for my child do I have to inform my ex-husband, who our child is with, their address, telephone number and exact dates and times that our child is staying there?  He says that is "his right as the father."  I think he just wants control and to be in the know regarding plans in my personal life and uses concern for our child as an excuse to be in my business.  There are only a select few people that I ever leave my child in the care of, all of which are either relatives or my best friend, who are all mature, responsible adults.  Do I really have to tell him every time I get a babysitter?  Seems invasive to me....

 

[livealittle]

no.

unless it is stated in your divorce decree.

when the child is in your custody, he is yours to provide for, when the child is in NCP'a custody, he is NCP's to provide for.

[InDenial]

My decress has a clause that states:

• Both parties agree to notify the other, in a prompt  manner, of any change of address or telephone numbers and to keep  the other parent informed at all times as to the address and  telephone number where the children can be contacted during periods of that parent's physical custody.

If you do too, that would seem to imply your ex DOES have the right to know where your child is staying.

One way around this may be to have the overnight babysitter stay at YOUR home while you go out.

[m_t]

If I occasionally, (as in, 2x per month), have an overnight babysitter for my child do I have to inform my ex-husband, who our child is with, their address, telephone number and exact dates and times that our child is staying there?  He says that is "his right as the father."  I think he just wants control and to be in the know regarding plans in my personal life and uses concern for our child as an excuse to be in my business.  There are only a select few people that I ever leave my child in the care of, all of which are either relatives or my best friend, who are all mature, responsible adults.  Do I really have to tell him every time I get a babysitter?  Seems invasive to me....

 

It really depends on what your decree states - is there a Right of First Refusal? Is he entitled to be advised of who watches the child when you're not available?

[laylalou]

The only clause I've found that could apply is the following:

"Visitation rights shall be allowed to the other parent in lieu of a child being cared for on an overnight basis by any person other than a parent, or a stepparent while the parent works night shift.  However, a child spending occasional nights with a grandparent shall not be considered a violation of this provision."

However, to me, this means if I am working night shift (which I am not and neither is the NCP), that I must first give my ex the opportunity to keep him instead of hiring a sitter.    But that doesn't seem to include, occasional, social plans. 

[laylalou]

There is also this clause which could apply:

"Both parents shall have equal access to all information concerning the children, including but not limited to medical, dental, and hospital records, school records, report cards, recreational activity records, and other information concerning the minor children.  Should either parent receive a school calendat, parent-teacher conference notice, and/or the report card of the children, the parent receiving such shall provide the other parent with a copy thereof immediately."



Someone who knows more about the in's and out's of these clauses please advise.

I am not purposely attempting to keep things regarging our child from my ex, however, he is using his "concern" as a way to find out every move I make it seems and it's growing old quickly.

[m_t]

No, you really don't have to give him that information. But let me ask you this... if your EX left the child with a sitter - would YOU want to know who they were? Let that guide your decision.

[livealittle]

No, you really don't have to give him that information. But let me ask you this... if your EX left the child with a sitter - would YOU want to know who they were? Let that guide your decision.

and then you run into all the stuff like

my 11 year old is going over the neighbor's to jump on the trampoline and he's going to be there for an hour, I'm going to the store to get laundry detergent that I didn't realize I was out of until now.

call dad and say - son is staying with the neighbors for the next hour and playing with his classmate/neighbor boy/friend while I go to the store for 20 minutes - their number is 999-888-7777 and the mom's cell number is 555-444-3333 and the dad's cell number is 111-222-3333 and they live at 123 mockingbird lane and .....

does any parent really have to do this?


yes, I'm being a bit ridiculous, I'm trying to show how crazy you can get trying to go by the exact letter of the decree.

[m_t]

LOL I know it can get nutty. But I also know a lot of CPs who insist the NCP must provide them info on whoever is watching the kids while with the NCP and get indignant when the NCP expects the same. What's good for the goose.....

I always figured that, while I may not like him much, my ex wouldn't choose a total loser to watch the kids on his time. He apparently felt the same way.

[Lee Borden]

"Visitation rights shall be allowed to the other parent in lieu of a child being cared for on an overnight basis by any person other than a parent, or a stepparent while the parent works night shift.  However, a child spending occasional nights with a grandparent shall not be considered a violation of this provision."

Isn't this EXACTLY what Dad is trying to tell you? I'll agree that the sentence is awkward, but it's harder for me to read it any other way than to say that before you hire a babysitter for overnight absences, you need to offer Dad the chance to do it instead.

[laylalou]

Lee - I appreciate the feedback very much.  But reading the entire clause does not state anything about occasional social plans.
I read the clause to state "while the parent works night shift", as if this was a situation of an overnight sitter several times per week due to work obligations of the custodial parent, which in my situation is not the case.

The ONLY time I get an overnight sitter is if my ex cannot take our child for a period of his regularly scheduled visitation due to him being out of town with his job or back home visiting his relatives.  That's the only time my son stays at a sitter overnight and in this case my ex couldn't keep him anyway.

The grandparent clause doesn't apply to me because sadly, both my parents are deceased and my ex-inlaws live several states away.