alimony question

[Grace48]

Haven't been on in a while, but have been doing quite well. Divorced finally in 2009 from a cheating spouse. Got child support and alimony. He disappeared for the most part. We have two children he does not visit but maybe 48  hours total over the past four years. No calls or anything to me or the kids. Lives with new wife and child that came from the affair. Now about three months ago he started visiting regularly every other Saturday and tries to be chatty. Got his own car seats and everything. I knew right away something was wrong. Now he is asking me to sign off my alimony since he is not doing well finanacially and he doesn't want to cut the "kids" money. He emailed me this request and I  ignored it. Now he texted me this request. He is extremely argumentative and I hate to even answer such a stupid question. If he is in dire straits, which I doubt sincerely, the right thing to do would be to reevaulate in court and get an honest ruling on what he can afford. Fair is fair. How should I handle this?

[InDenial]

I agree his question doesn't make sense, because whether he reduces the child support to keep paying you the same alimony, or reduces the alimony to keep paying the same amount of child support, either way the net money coming into your household is the same.

If it were my Ex, I'd tell him, "You need to discuss it with your lawyer" and drop the subject. 

However if your Ex says that he can't afford a lawyer, then I guess I'd tell him to call Domestic Relations or whatever it is called in your state.

I think the attitude to project is: "The amount you pay is a court order. It's not up to me."

[livealittle]

what In denial said.

[Ann Marie]

yep...i agree with InDenial 2

[m_t]

What doesn't make sense is why he'd try to reduce the alimony instead of child support. Alimony is taken off his income, pre-tax (you pay income tax on it). Child support comes off his income as taxable to him.

[teddybear]

Absoluttely good sound advice.