the ex's ugly words....

[New Chapter]

So it's come to my attention that the ex has been making some really horrible accusations to my brother, mom and to just about anyone who'll listen about me...not a fit mother, irresponsible acting like a slut, you name it. I wish I could say that after all this time it doesn't bother me but it does. None of it is of course true and he's hardly part of the kid's lives...only when it's convenient for him so he's hardly in a position to talk. My mom gave him what for and defended me to the hilt...

I think I do ok in the mother department. I work probably an average of 50 - 60 hours a week, I travel at least once a month on business, but I'm home almost every night with them, drive them to activities 5 or 6 days a week...sometimes making as many as 6 trips back and forth. And the girls and I are tight, tight, tight as a unit.... we have a great relationship. Yes I have had a man in my life for almost a year and half now but he's never, ever spent the night here...we've introduced him into their lives gradually and they really love him. We're planning on gettng married and with every step we take our children's welfare into account and probably are even more cautious than we need to be sometimes.

Why of why do I still feel the need to defend myself...I hate that his words can still hurt so much.....sigh.... why does he need to still need to cause conflict...we're done, we're over....I truly only wish him the best and hold no malice against him....

[Bosco]

why does he need to still need to cause conflict

Because he's a jealous, insecure, spiteful little man.....ok, tall little man....but you get the gist. To put it in Dr-speak, he's projecting his own inadaquacies and sense of failure on you in order to blame-shift and relieve himself of guilt. Don't buy his shit....it's defective.    And way to go MOM !!! Love that little woman.....

[HarleyQuinn]

Don't let his drama get to you girl.  My ex tried saying similiar things and even tried his lies with the court and pd.  It all fell through like water through a sieve.  Your a good person and a good mom and everyone around you knows it.  Keep your head up. 

Sorry I dont have any funny antics like usual, been 'down' myself as of late...but you know we are all here for ya 

[Wolfy]

Why are you giving this guy who is getting divorced from you any credit about an opinion about you? That's what you are doing when something he says bothers you. This is your time to do things your way. You get to decide how you raise your kids when they are with you. If someone believes him they are just as crazy as he is and doesn't matter. 'nuff said.

[New Chapter]

Thanks Spectre (see I"m tryin' to get with the new name  )...yeah he's the tallest, smallest man I know....sheesh.

Harley...you're the best...thanks sweetie for the kind words.

Why are you giving this guy who is getting divorced from you any credit about an opinion about you? That's what you are doing when something he says bothers you. This is your time to do things your way. You get to decide how you raise your kids when they are with you. If someone believes him they are just as crazy as he is and doesn't matter. 'nuff said.

You're right Wolfy ...thanks for the light tap with the old 2x4  ....I am giving him power ... I guess it's shocking to me how after all this time I can still be affected by it. Kinda' hit me between the eyes...on a regular day to day he's not even a blip on my consciousness these days.The divorce was final around Christmas time (didn't feel the need or desire to make any big announcement...just a technical thing in my view at that point...gosh it took bloody 2 years! and really if you count the first separation it's been over 5 years!)  No one I know believes his words but "thought I should know"....actually I think I'm going to tell them all that in future I'd appreciate not knowing...'cause I think them telling me does nothing but further his agenda of as Spectre says..."relieing himself of guilt". Another lesson learned I guess.....

[AKA Betsy Braddock]

He isn't over you, NC.

[Cam]

He isn't over you, NC.

ditto

[HarleyQuinn]

He isn't over you, NC.

ditto

I also agree with this to a point, there obviously is some issue or feeling he hasn't yet dealt with or else he wouldn't waste the energy.  I see the same thing with my ex, even though by all evidence he is happy with his new life and family..some of his actions have shown me that the fact that I am "moving on" into a life that he no longer has knowledge or control of bothers him. 

[Cam]

Exactly.  they may not want us or the situation back yet they feel out of control and they try to regain control in belittling ways.   I think for some, their lives are not now what they thought they would be and when they can go back in-time, so to speak, to their old habits, true or not, they hope it will make them feel better in some ways.  Greater in some way and yet it lessens them even now and if they don't realize it or get sidetracked in some way they will continue.  So we nod or shake our heads and continue being happy.  We can feel sorry for them yet it seems to work better to just neutralize all emotions towards them as if they were a stranger as they are now.

[InDenial]

He isn't over you, NC.

I'd say he's jealous that you have someone new in your life.  My Ex said some ridiculous and childish things after he found out about my guy.

He's settled down.  I'll bet yours does too.

[New Chapter]

He isn't over you, NC.

ditto

My sister-in-law says he's still in love with me and sometimes still refers to me as his wife.

[Cam]

He isn't over you, NC.

ditto

My sister-in-law says he's still in love with me and sometimes still refers to me as his wife.

ditto   

[New Chapter]

He isn't over you, NC.

I'd say he's jealous that you have someone new in your life.  My Ex said some ridiculous and childish things after he found out about my guy.

He's settled down.  I'll bet yours does too.

I hope so ID...it's wierd isnt' it how these guys leave us and then when someone new comes into our lives they can't stand it? I guess that's just human nature...maybe I'll be upset when he's in a relationship though I honestly highly doubt it

[allbusiness]

Do my favorite:

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

They fired themselves from the job of having any opinion about us or our lives.

(((((HUGS)))))

[Cam]

Do my favorite:

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

They fired themselves from the job of having any opinion about us or our lives.

(((((HUGS)))))

I love it!!