New user, same old problems?

[Art Vandelay]

Hello all. Where to start? 

I've been married 14 years and we dated for two. So it's been a long time since I've been single. I have some somewhat special circumstances in that the past several years have been fraught with mental illness on her part. It's her illness and her privacy but lets say it brought me to realize that even without it, we've been incompatible all along.

Doesn't make it any easier. Ive been done with our marriage for a long time, and I think she has too, but she is still far too dependent on me and I don't know exactly how to change it. We have two beautiful little girls, or it would be different. As it is, we are still living in the same home, as roommates. Not that that's any different from the past year plus either...

I live in a small guard community and I refuse to leave my girls or I would be gone, but the rental market just isn't there right now and so here I am. The problem is that sbtx still treats it like a marriage in a lot of ways and I don't want to.

This morning for instance, she wants tongomto the party store and I want to go to the gun range. In the past I would acquiesce. Not today. There will be two separate outings. She still takes it personally.

Much of our life is like this. I've been trying to enforce an equivalent schedule to our agreed custody schedule as far as getting up with the girls but she basically ignores it. It's for her benefit as much as mine,  one of my biggest concerns is hat the actual physical separation is going to do to her. I'm not optimistic. I know how hard it is for me every dynprocessing my emotions (although I'm sure she would tell you I don't have any) and I can't imagine what it's doing to her. We are both seeing different therapists and dealing, but I'm still scared for the day she has to spend a night alone without me or the girls.

I'm afraid for me too, but it won't put me in a psychiatric hospital...

Anyway, good to find this resource, I'll follow up later.  Little one just woke up ;-)

[BButterfly]

I'm familiar with your situation. First, no matter what happens you (or her) needs to move out. You will never be able to separate her feelings if you live together. Shes stronger than you both think. Hang in there and when you need to talk there are awesome people here to listen. You've made a good choice by coming to HEO. 

[HarleyQuinn]

Hi and Welcome to HEO.   I sympathize greatly with your concern.  I have a mentally ill mother who has been hospitalized a few times after being told by others of events that have happened in MY life.  I am sorry you have that kind of weight on your shoulders but ultimately you do need to find a way to separate your living situation, maybe your and/or her therapist can help prepare you both for that? You will need ways to cope and without going into what type or severity of mental illness maybe the mental health crisis line number? My mother has used the one for the services in her area many times over the years.  

I wish I had more to offer, hang in there.  

[Art Vandelay]

The hospitalizations have been a catalyst for me to finally force a change. I'm working through the responsibility I have felt for making sure she is "ok" when in reality it's not up to me...

Anyway, I live in a small community and at times there are just zero rentals, as today. And I must stay near my girls so living away from here is not an option. Funny thing, a few hours ago I got a line on a rental that's coming up in a couple weeks, and it's right up my alley. So we'll see. It always works out in the end, but sometimes that middle part is a sonofabitch ;-)

[Cam]

Be careful and keep what you can close to you.  Information wise.  It's best to not stir the pot while you can.  Remember to collect up, copy, verify all informatin and store it out of the house.  Preferable off the property.  It will get worse before it gets better.  Yet a lot of the time the relief makes the whole divorce not so bad for either side.  Take care.   

[chill]

Does she have family in this community or close by?

[Art Vandelay]

It's funny what happens in divorce. My family has been wonderful to her. Hers has not been wonderful in any sense of the word.