Don't Lose Hope

[Harriet]

Yesterday, I swear I was fighting to stay postive about life, but deep inside I was thinking: maybe I can live this way for a year, but if it goes on longer than that, it will wear me down and beat me. I was beginning to wonder if I needed a man to make me feel like a whole person again, and the thought was depressing. What a difference a day makes, though! I was just invited to work during the summer with a tribe that lives in the Ecuadorian jungle, and my kids can come as well. This is the experience of a lifetime - more than that - an experience most people would never get to have, and now I get to share it with my kids! I am so excited! I was out jogging and the happiness I haven't felt in a long time just hit me and I started skipping. Then my mom took me to see a play, Million Dollar Quartet, about a time when Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins, Elvis Presley, and Jerry Lee Lewis were all in a recording studio at the same time. It was so much fun, and the music was so great, I started to cry. I cried because I finally got to feel pure joy since this all started. I know the high won't last, but it was just such a relief to know I could still feel that way after all this time. I really was starting to wonder. I have a lot of hoops to jump through to pull off this trip to Ecuador (expired passports, etc) but it gives me something else to focus on now.
I just wanted to share, and I wanted to say that I was worried I couldn't feel this good unless I had another partner in my life. Now I know that even if I don't meet Mr. Right, I can still feel joy in life. Even if this trip falls through, at least now I know, and that means a lot.
Does anyone else understand what I'm rambling about?
Also, there is a little bit of karma here in that my stbx would kill to have this chance to go to Ecuador, but...he's not with me anymore. Actually, I feel bad saying that, as he was really cool when I told him about it (he has to cancel his vacation plans with the kids, but understands what a rare opportunity it is) and then he said he would give one of the kids his miles toward a ticket as his gift to them. He may not have been a good husband, but he divorces very well.

[livealittle]

why do you keep thinking about him and what he would like and want? how does that help you?

((hugs))

you are a whole person by yourself, you can do anything you want with your life without having to check with anyone else first. you want to take a trip to Equador? go on a trip.

you want to eat ice cream and tomato sauce? eat it.

you want to take a class to learn how to build bird houses? take the class.

enjoy your life, make it something you want to live.

[m_t]

you want to take a trip to Equador? go on a trip.

Easy, until the other parent objects to the kids going with. LUCKILY, Harriet's stbx seems cool with the idea. But if he wasn't?

[Harriet]

why do you keep thinking about him and what he would like and want? how does that help you?

That is the $64,000 question. If I could stop, I would. All I can say is it's getting easier.

[Bosco]

why do you keep thinking about him and what he would like and want? how does that help you?

That is the $64,000 question. If I could stop, I would. All I can say is it's getting easier.

Harriet,
First of all, I'm so happy that you are this excited about something that has nothing to do with him. I think this trip is not only going to be a great distraction, but potentially a life-changer for you and your kids. I think one of the hardest things about being where you are in the crud, is that you know you need to move past what you were used to, and look forward to what's next. The problem is that "what's next" is usually a mystery yet to unfold, which makes it hard to look forward to......

We tell each other that with your "new found freedom", "the world is your oyster", and "anything is possible" and that now you get a chance to do whatever you want. But as true as those thoughts are, trying to break orbit and gain enough escape velocity to leave the marriage behind, is not always so easy. I understand why you are constantly mired down by what he thinks or says. I'm 3 years + into this, my ex is remarried and we hardly ever talk....but one 5 minute conversation with her last night brought me right back to earth and reaching for the Rum bottle hiding in the back of the pantry. I get it, Harriet.

On paper, you don't have to answer to him anymore. Nor do you need to give a S**T what he thinks about anything. But we both know that it isn't quite that simple. So, I'm thankful you get this opportunity to do something huge that doesn't involve him at All ! And even better, your kids get to share in it with you. AND....you get a chance to make a difference to some kids in Equador!
This is a Win all the way around, my friend.....

(If you need someone to carry your suitcases and stuff......I might be availeable.....just sayin'.... )

[AKA Betsy Braddock]

Harriet -

You are a whole person all by yourself. You always have been. You always will be.
A whole and complete person.

[Cam]

It's soo hard isn't it?!!  Big Hugs and you really have done well .. 

[InDenial]

Have a great time!!! 

(My Ex is also cool with me taking our kids out of the country on vacations.  I won't claim he puts the kids "first" if it's ahead of his own interests. But he does put them ahead of saying "no" just to be a jerk.)

[New Chapter]

Have a great time!!! 

(My Ex is also cool with me taking our kids out of the country on vacations.  I won't claim he puts the kids "first" if it's ahead of his own interests. But he does put them ahead of saying "no" just to be a jerk.)

Ditto...have a blast! And yeah this is my situation as well. Have taken the kids out of the country and no problemo as far as the ex is concerned. He's selfish but he does ultimately love his kids and want them to have opportunties.

I love that you had a moment of pure joy Harriet...revel in it. Yes it might be short-lived but now you know it's possible...brighter days ahead