Oh! NOW I get it!

[Harriet]

Okay, after yet one more sting of rejection, I think it is FINALLY getting through my thick skull that he REALLY REALLY does not want to be with me anymore. And it is somewhat liberating...I am even able to chuckle at myself and how I could twist his actions into signs that he is missing me and wants me back. Goof. I have been mistaking his kindness for affection. He just wants to help me feel better about the divorce, not undo it. Got it...a little slow on the uptake, a little denial going on, but okay, NOW I get it.

[Bosco]

It does take a while to sink in, doesn't it? It's almost easier if the Leaver acts like a complete asshole, at least you know where you stand from the get-go. I know it's hard to finally accept the truth, that he's well and truly gone, but at least you can finally wrap your whole brain around moving on and looking forward to your new frontier.....
I see a bright future for you, my friend.....hang in there....   

[Wolfy]

Good. Now I don't have to hit you with my 2x4 to make you understand. 

[H0$$]

The best advice you'll ever get is, do what is right for you. Everything that happens happens for a reason, the good, the bad and the ugly. Every experience in life is a growing experience and pain creates some of the most growth. Handle each situation with what you are comfortable because you are all that matters. What works for someone else may not be the answer for you. Some suggest the 180 which may have worked fine for them however a "90" may best suit your situation. There is no magic answer. There is only one way through divorce and that is through it. Everyone comes out of it with their own experience. What you make of it will be determined by your attitude. Grow through it, move on and be happy or remain bogged and bitter. Remember, everything in life is a choice. Forgiveness will give you more freedom than anything you can strive for.

[Bosco]

H0$$ speaks wisely......he must be drunk......   (just kidding, big boy...)   

Everything that happens happens for a reason, the good, the bad and the ugly. Every experience in life is a growing experience and pain creates some of the most growth.

This is very true, and ties in with what Ros posted the other day about transitions: "Transitions are not punishment, nor do they happen by chance. They are tailored to meet the need in each of us to grow beyond our narrowness into a more aware and rich life."

Good stuff, H0$$

[H0$$]

H0$$ speaks wisely......he must be drunk......   (just kidding, big boy...)   

I'll drink to that

[Harriet]

I had to spend 2 hours with him today at an awards banquet for my daughter, and it was probably the most comfortable I've felt since the divorce...no longer looking into all he says for hidden meanings. It's just over. And Wolfy, I'm not even sure that 2x4 would have worked. you got anything bigger for whatever else I need to figure out??

[Bosco]

And Wolfy, I'm not even sure that 2x4 would have worked. you got anything bigger for whatever else I need to figure out??

Cattle prod??   

[Wolfy]

How about a 2x8 in 12 foot length?

[DrDoo]

How about a 2x8 in 12 foot length?

Now your bragging and dreaming Wolfman..

[Aim]

What ever happened to the pointy stick we used to have here?

[New Chapter]

Yup...takes a bunch of times to figure out sometimes. Glad you're there now Harriet and yes it is liberating.

My ex and I had years of back and forth including a 1 year separation and reconciliation before the final "end"....false hope upon false hope. When that day came I actually demanded that he tell me that he didn't love me anymore. (So I asked to be clobbered over the head) Thankfully he looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be with you anymore." It was an angry moment for him so it came out with some intensity....hurt like a knife straight through my soul but it allowed me to give my head a shake after the recoil and begin the grieving process which lead to recovery and rebuilding.

He has done a lot since then to lead me and others to believe that he is still in fact in love with me but the moment he uttered those words I felt so free and discovered that it was actually me that didn't love him anymore and hadn't truly loved him the way a wife should love a husband in a very long time...I was in love with the idea of him and what our marriage was supposed to be not the reality of what it was.

[Cam]

well said NC, very well said