Tough couple of days....

[New Chapter]

Plus...and most importantly an arrangement such as she is proposing is way to confusing and in the long run not healthy for the kids. Get used to a new normal which means Mom and Dad living separate lives and working toward stability for the kids in this new normal.

[lookingforward]

Thanks, all!

Yes, she wants the best of both worlds - her "freedom" and having me at her beck and call as always.

Her motives are selfish, I know.  I want to "grab at scraps" like Chill said, to read into it that there is a chance to get back together and get my old life plan back.

But in the real world, that aint gonna happen.  In the real world, I will end up getting strung along and stifled in my need to move on with my life.

I dont see how it is better or worse for the kids to see us together.  But I do see how it will be worse for them if their Dad continues to be sad, and thats what I will be if I chase ghosts forever.

[livealittle]

I dont see how it is better or worse for the kids to see us together.  But I do see how it will be worse for them if their Dad continues to be sad, and thats what I will be if I chase ghosts forever.

the kids are confused - you told them you are divorcing and mom's getting her own house and now you are all going to the condo, having dinner out, etc. as though nothing has changed. this is very confusing to them and don't you think they are going through the same "hope mom and dad get back together/don't get divorced" that you are?

((hugs))

[chill]

It's normal for the kids to want their parents together.  It's normal that they are use to seeing you guys as married.  If you continue or are together doing "family" things they will hang on, just like you do.........They need to know that its ok for mom and dad to be divorced, and life will be different, but ok........

You will be tempted to grab the scraps.......you will be tempted to justify doing things together, because that is what is familiar.  It's not easy, especially when you love someone and want to be with them.  But I will tell you in the long run, what you are giving if you give in, is them satisfaction.  They are happy, because they get their new life and you when ever they desire......where as if you do it, you get to live in fairytale land only to realize, she really doesn't give a shit about family or you, just fulfilling what she feels like......she'll always drive away........Save yourself from heartache..........as you can tell I have btdt all in the name of family, and what it does is take away you moving onto a good life.......and it stalls the kids adapting to the new life.  Love your kids more, by not doing what she is suggesting no matter how hard it may be, say no, so the kids could get to see the new you, and I will promise that you'll like the new you better.

[Aim]

New Chapter is right :

Just spent the weekend with a few couples like us...divorced, new relationships with kids involved and we had a lot of discussions
around how u handle relationships with the exes. The concensus....

it's very,very rare to be able to maintain an ongoing "friendship" and i
n the longrun it is better to strive toward having separate lives with a large measure of civility and cooperation between all the adults
with the kid's best interests as the focal point.

[lookingforward]

The one you would draw comfort from, is the one causing your pain.  We are so used to turning to them..  These strings have to be broken and man it just hurts.   

Cam, your post really has me reflecting.    Thanks!

Sometimes, I can't understand at all what you write (must be a cross-country regional dialect thing ), but this post rings so simple and true for me.  I think that's why I started posting here -- because my strongest advocate and sounding board no longer wants the job.

[Cam]

  I think Sluggo/Spectre calls it 'Camish'   

[Bosco]

I think Sluggo/Spectre calls it 'Camish'   

I've tried to author a translation reference...but have given up. We mostly just nod our heads and smile a lot when she talks.......  

(love you, medicine woman !    )

[Cam]

Love ya 2 big guy!   Could ya do me a favor & swap some of this rain for some 'sunshine '?  Man is it ever wet n cold !  (I'm startin' to feel like a healthy puppy)... 

[Bosco]

Love ya 2 big guy!   Could ya do me a favor & swap some of this rain for some 'sunshine '?  Man is it ever wet n cold !  (I'm startin' to feel like a healthy puppy)... 

I'll trade you any day.....I could kill for a little rain right now. Sure wish I had some time to check out that Big Sky I hear tell about. I'm about ready for a road trip....

[Cam]

when your ready to burn up a little pavement, come on up!  The water is high and still the fish are biting !!  Around 40k macs pulled during Mack Days and we just had the Milltown Boogie campout!  Next is Rockin' the River Fest... me I'm more into floating n fishing!  Today I'dd ddd say I was 'chattering  in the rain '...

[InDenial]

I agree, it gives the kids false hopes.   And how are YOU supposed to move on with this arrangement?

My guess is that she's lonely in her new house and wants you to be her fallback plan.  Actions have consquences, and the consequence of her moving out and filing for divorce is that she has to find someone else to hang around with.

[lookingforward]

Well, its been more than a couple of days, and it still feels rough!

She is suddenly in no hurry to move forward, she wants to slow things down. 

I feel compelled to press forward.  I hate not knowing where I stand.