Struggling...and missing my peeps here....

[Aim]

Wait- I know how to get the board jump started!

The P word!!! November will soon be here!

[lookingforward]

Spec,

Sorry you are having a tough time.

Your posts to me have been so helpful.

I hope my post of well wishes helps you.

[Someday]

Brilliant and funny!!

I stop by about once a week or so to catch up, but it does seem that not a lot is happening.

Very hot summer. So ready for fall. Life is trying to settle into some type of routine after the last crazy year. I'm spending a lot of time at my mom's helping her. The loss of my dad has been very hard.

Other than that I've been trying to get back into a workout routine, it kinda went to pot with my dad sick, staying busy with the new dog and general chores. Got to visit the man child in Philly and took him to NY with my mom. Nice trip.

I've been keeping my fingers crossed for your house to sell. Glad you got another offer on it.

[Harriet]

OK, I'll bite...what's the P word?

[m_t]

OK, I'll bite...what's the P word?

I figure politics. Dunno... I hear enough about it IRL, and I no longer care. First time in ever I am really tempted not to even bother voting. Which is pretty sad...

The board has always had its periods of ebbs and flows. Different seasons play into that, too. Many have more time with their kids in the summer (and therefore less time for HEO), others have less time with the kids (and... less time for HEO). Work can be busier for some. Or they want to spend more time outdoors, or working on various projects. It's all very much like life. But... the beauty of HEO is that, when somoene posts and is in need? There is generally someone along in relatively short order to post back.

[m_t]

Hey Y'all,
I know I haven't been around all that much and that things have pretty quiet here for a while, but have been struggling for a couple weeks or more with more depression than I am usually accustomed to. I know what some of it is from (work situation...long story), but I think I am just feeling beat down by life in general. One of the things I miss most is being able to find people here to talk to and just unload, or even just banter. I really miss that. Ody called me today out of the blue and made my day (thanks, dear lady ), and it made me realize how much I miss my friends here.

Anyway, not sure what I need to break out of the funnel I'm in, but I'm sure I will eventually. But I can say for Sure that hearing from some of y'all and reminiscing wouldn't hurt a bit....

Hope you All are doing well.

Spectre/Sluggo/whatever.....

I did want to address this a bit, though... There does come a point when online interactions just no longer cut it. I'm not talking romantic stuff - just normal, day-to-day chatting, goofing, etc. Our online friends are still fine (and fun), but I think we all need to move on to regular, real-life interactions. Doesn't make this less special... but it does make it different. It may be, Slugster, that you're kind of in that intermediate place where one isn't quite there, but the other isn't quite enough.

I know that, for myself, I've had a lot of different things going on that make HEO less... immediate. My life is moving into other stages/areas that I need to give more attention to. Parents aging, health issues of my own, kids growing up and out, needing to figure out what I'm doing with the rest of my life - lots of stuff that takes my focus away from divorce issues, and yes, friends I've made dealing with those issues. I'm lucky in that many of the friends I've made here are in similar stages, so we're all moving on to different things and can still connect that way. Some, but not all.

It can be really hard to move on, but we all eventually do - we have to. We have to find new places to occupy our time and interest, new people to interact with, new lives.

Not trying to bring you down, Sluggo. I know you will figure it out. And I look forward to your doing so. Because you can, and you will.

[Ann Marie]

MT...I can relate 2 trying 2 figure out what to do with your life....with mom and dad gone, i find myself sorta lost....where do i go from here? I continue to work around here 2 keep my mind busy with the thought in the back of my mind that someday i will get my camper and go visiting my friends in the usa. However, I am afraid to hope for that sa everytime I make plans, something comes up. I find lately, I just don't care about a future. I'm back to dealing with one day at a time.


Mike....(((HUGE HUGS))) ....I called you last night, but got ur voice message....sorry i haven't called you more....

[The Spectre]

I did want to address this a bit, though... There does come a point when online interactions just no longer cut it. I'm not talking romantic stuff - just normal, day-to-day chatting, goofing, etc. Our online friends are still fine (and fun), but I think we all need to move on to regular, real-life interactions. Doesn't make this less special... but it does make it different. It may be, Slugster, that you're kind of in that intermediate place where one isn't quite there, but the other isn't quite enough.

m_t,
You have made a very astute point here....one that I have thought on many times of late but couldn't have clarified it the way you have. I praise your astuteness .... Not sure too many people noticed, but I canceled my account a couple months ago for this very reason, not because I was mad or upset with anyone, I just saw what you pointed out......that I needed to focus on the here and now, to make a clean break from "all things divorce related" and really start a new life. Part of that new start meant relying less on HEO to keep me going and to make new relationships in my own backyard. I even started dating someone who lives in my own town....crazy, but true...lol. I tried one night to explain to her what HEO was and why it's been such a huge part of my life the last 3 years......she looked at me like I had antennas coming out of my head.....  So, I stayed away for a while and tried to focus on "real life"....whatever That means.
But eventually I came to the same conclusion that I'm.sure lots of others have.....I've made friendships here that are really important to me, and always will be and are as "real life" to me as any I've ever had. In the same time, friends I've had for Years have drifted away, and don't really know me anymore. Or just can't relate to me like they could when there was an "us". Know what I mean?

When I struggle, when I get overwhelmed or depressed or just need to feel like I matter to someone....that encouragement comes so much more easily and sincerely from my family here....perhaps its just because y'all know me so much better that folks do IRL. Not sure if that is a good thing, or not....but it's a reality for now.

And I also feel as you do, that I owe a huge debt to Lee for creating this place and to all who have helped me here over the years....people like yourself.... So, I came back. I never really know if my input is of much value, but I want to give it just the same....I have discovered about myself that there is no depression med yet invented that helps me half as much as knowing I've done, or said something, that helped another human being in need.

I suspect that's a big part of why you've stayed all these years......

All of you who have gotten to know me here and become friends, I may never get a chance to meet you all, but you're as real to me as family....and just as cherished.

[Ann Marie]

I did want to address this a bit, though... There does come a point when online interactions just no longer cut it. I'm not talking romantic stuff - just normal, day-to-day chatting, goofing, etc. Our online friends are still fine (and fun), but I think we all need to move on to regular, real-life interactions. Doesn't make this less special... but it does make it different. It may be, Slugster, that you're kind of in that intermediate place where one isn't quite there, but the other isn't quite enough.

m_t,
You have made a very astute point here....one that I have thought on many times of late but couldn't have clarified it the way you have. I praise your astuteness .... Not sure too many people noticed, but I canceled my account a couple months ago for this very reason, not because I was mad or upset with anyone, I just saw what you pointed out......that I needed to focus on the here and now, to make a clean break from "all things divorce related" and really start a new life. Part of that new start meant relying less on HEO to keep me going and to make new relationships in my own backyard. I even started dating someone who lives in my own town....crazy, but true...lol. I tried one night to explain to her what HEO was and why it's been such a huge part of my life the last 3 years......she looked at me like I had antennas coming out of my head.....  So, I stayed away for a while and tried to focus on "real life"....whatever That means.
But eventually I came to the same conclusion that I'm.sure lots of others have.....I've made friendships here that are really important to me, and always will be and are as "real life" to me as any I've ever had. In the same time, friends I've had for Years have drifted away, and don't really know me anymore. Or just can't relate to me like they could when there was an "us". Know what I mean?

When I struggle, when I get overwhelmed or depressed or just need to feel like I matter to someone....that encouragement comes so much more easily and sincerely from my family here....perhaps its just because y'all know me so much better that folks do IRL. Not sure if that is a good thing, or not....but it's a reality for now.

And I also feel as you do, that I owe a huge debt to Lee for creating this place and to all who have helped me here over the years....people like yourself.... So, I came back. I never really know if my input is of much value, but I want to give it just the same....I have discovered about myself that there is no depression med yet invented that helps me half as much as knowing I've done, or said something, that helped another human being in need.

I suspect that's a big part of why you've stayed all these years......

All of you who have gotten to know me here and become friends, I may never get a chance to meet you all, but you're as real to me as family....and just as cherished.

Sounds like we need 2 construct another HEO gathering

[Harriet]

Spectre, you have carried me through many tough moments with your kindness, wisdom, and humor. Many of you have. I would hope that, even if some move on as needed, others may come and take their places. I also like the intimacy of this site as opposed to some others I checked out that are just too big to feel any connection at all. It's kind of a risky but rewarding site in that way.

[Wolfy]

I agree with M_t. I used to be very vocal on this board. But I now find myself having a more difficult time remember what all the pain and self doupts felt like. I feel that it hampers my ability to give good advice here. I have dated the same gal for about a year and I find it more fun and interesting to carry on my life more with her and the tangible world than here. I find myself feeling a little guilty about not helping very much here, but then, isn't what I have something we should strive for?

[m_t]

Ditto, Wolfy. I tend to find that I do not have the same level of patience as I once did. Mostly because I am so far removed from the immediacy of the angst and pain. I would hope that, after this much time? I would be relatively far removed. Fact is - I've been divorced nearly 13 years. And at HEO 14+. So I leave more input for those better able to provide the needed gentle touch. Though y'all know I'll be more than happy to come and apply a clue-stick if I feel like it.

And yes, I do owe Lee a heck of a lot, and that IS why I'm still here, even in a somewhat reduced capacity. But rest assured - I check in pretty regularly, even if I don't always post. Know that I'm just an email or PM away, if I'm needed for anything.

And for the newbs? Believe me - I was a hot mess when I came to HEO and made more than my share of mistakes wrt my divorce. Many of which I dearly regret. But I made it through. And if there is any measure of getting through a divorce successfully, it includes bringing the involved children to adulthood as relatively well-adjusted people. In that regard... I was successful.

So... what should I be now that it's time for me to grow up?The world is my oyster, and all suggestions will be given consideration! "D

[The Spectre]

I agree with M_t. I used to be very vocal on this board. But I now find myself having a more difficult time remember what all the pain and self doupts felt like. I feel that it hampers my ability to give good advice here. I have dated the same gal for about a year and I find it more fun and interesting to carry on my life more with her and the tangible world than here. I find myself feeling a little guilty about not helping very much here, but then, isn't what I have something we should strive for?

Yes Wolfy, it is. And I couldn't be happier that you have found someone to share your life with. You have been a much needed voice of compassion and common sense for as long as I've been here, and long before that. In a lot of ways, you are the poster child for what this place is about.....you came looking for help, you made it thru the crud and helped multitudes of people along the way...and now your doing what we All hope to do......heal, learn,grow and eventually take a chance at finding love again. If you aren't a prime example of what post-divorce life can be, I don't know who is.

But, I would argue that you have a ton still to offer those who have come here that are just starting their own journey thru the nightmare we have faced. And I, for one, would miss your presence here if you disappeared. You're my friend and we've been thru a lot together and you've helped me more than I can say.

[Struggling]

As a newbie here I'd like to mention that one of the things I struggle most with is the thought that my future is going to be one of sadness and loneliness. Being able to read some of the comments from posters such as Wolfy who seem to have come through this to be in a good place starts to give me hope so I'd ask anyone who has a positive view of what it is like to be on the other end of the journey to definitely come back periodically and give us any positive news they can. It's one thing to be told that things get better, it is another to see real examples of the fact that it can.

[HarleyQuinn]

Struggling==there is light at the end of the tunnel...in the beginning its like driving through fog, you cant see very far ahead..but in time the path ahead becomes clearer and brighter and one day you will wake up and realize just how very far you have come since it all started and how content you are without that which you once thought you couldnt be without.  Be patient with yourself...you will feel up, then you will stumble and sometimes fall down...but you will make it and you will be happy again...promise.


sluggo==sorry you have been struggling with all the stress you been under although I must say congrats! are in order for having taken the step of dating  I am very happy and proud of you for getting yourself out there. 


anyway, hello all...hope all is well in your neck of the woods.
HQ