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Author Topic: what percentage of separation end in divorce  (Read 5059 times)
Carolyn
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Posts: 5


« on: July 30, 2006, 03:33:36 AM »

So my husband and I are separated-his decision
should I prepare for a divorce or are there couples who
actually work it out? Huh
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HowdieDoodie
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« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2006, 03:46:06 AM »

I didn't go through separation, but 4 months seem like a long time.  Is he calling at all or talking like there's a chance?  Is he seeing someone else during this separation time?  I truly hate it, I hated everything about my marriage ending, but you might need to start thinking this will be permanent.  The limbo is the worst and can really chew you up remaining like that.  I would say get to the bottom of what he wants and what you want and then get on with living.  (((HUGS)))
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bullshit
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« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2006, 11:17:11 AM »

the percentage that ends in divorce is high. of those that don't end in divorce, I'd say the percentage is high that wished it did.
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m_t
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Posts: 13773


WWW
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2006, 11:55:05 AM »

I know that Sailor always used to say that a legal separation is a waste of money as 9 times out of 10 it goes to a divorce and you have to spend the same money all over again.

Unless the separation is accompanied by some serious work by both spouses, it unlikely to end in a reconciliation. And even then.....  Cry
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Fuck Cancer

"Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly. On a broomstick. We are flexible."

Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them in with your favorite colors.
The Kite Runner, Khale
chill
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Posts: 6733


« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2006, 02:59:48 PM »

My lawyer told be that you might as well get divorced instead of separation.  They both cost $ and as M_T said people willing to pay for a legal separation ended up getting divorced.  If your husband doesn't want it anymore.. not willing to work on it.  Doesn't love and has said that...What r u hanging on too...A fantasy of living til daleth do us part..growing old together.  Welp, he said he didn't love you anymore and couldn't do it anymore.  So looks like he is done.  The sooner you are realistic in what he said, the sooner you can move on face the pain and make a good life with someone eventually that will love you as you deserve to be loved.  So for being so blunt but I have been there, I wanted to believe, I wanted to grow old together, and I was scared of the what if's that happen when you are not with the one you are use to being with on a daily basis.  Think long and hard about his words.  Because it takes two to make a relationship work.  Sorry you are going through this crap...it's hard, it's painful, but life outside of a loveless marriage is wonderful once you start the healing and that takes realistic thinking and work.  Good luck and know that we are here for you. Wink
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enigma
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« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2006, 03:10:01 PM »

Carolyn, yes there are couples who work it out, BUT ... and that's a really BIG but ... only when they BOTH want to. If your husband has left, that's a pretty clear message that he doesn't want to work it out. I'm sorry to be so blunt, hon ... I don't want you to get false hopes up, tho'  Sad
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Wolfy
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« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2006, 05:34:07 PM »

I agree with enigma. My stbx asked to separate from me so she could try to work through some of our problems. She said she hoped she would miss me but later said she never did miss me and filed for divorce. There is always a small chance that you could get back together but the odds are against it and instead I would work on dealing with a divorce when he says he wants one.
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SpitFire
Guest
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2006, 06:57:28 AM »

Reconciliation after Separation
A sociology professor from Baltimore posted this citation on the FAMILYSCI listserv:
"The only statistic I have is the one cited in my marriages/families
textbook, but it may (or may not) be dated: "Approximately 10 percent of all
currently married couples (9 percent of white women and 14 percent of black
women) in the United States have separated and reconciled" (Wineberg and
McCarthy, "Separtion and reconciliation in American marriages," Journal of
Divorce & Remarriage 29, 1993: 131-46). If there's a more recent cite, I
haven't bumped across it yet."

guess that pretty well sums it up!
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