Visitation discrepancies

[Lydiay]

Lee,
You did my uncontested divorce little over a year ago.  We have a problem with the visitation overlapping at one point.  The papers say he gets our son from Christmas day @ 3 thru New Years day @ 3.  Then it says he gets him every other birthday for a few hours.  Problem is our son's birthday falls in that week between Christmas and New Years.  I guess we were not paying attention to that and didn't clarify the discrepancy.  Does that mean that I do get to see him every birthday but he only gets him a few hours that day or is it at his discretion if I see him or not?  He is threatening to not let me see him at all on his birthday EVER. 

Am I going to have to go through an attorney and court to get this clarified on the papers?

Thanks,
Lydia

[Lee Borden]

I'm sorry. You're right, it does seem to be an oversight, and I apologize for my part in it.

Problems like this have a habit of taking care of themselves. I strongly suggest you take the high road. Make it clear to your son that you want to spend time with him on his birthday but that it's up to Dad to allow it. And plan something really nice for him when he returns to be with you (it's probably better to give a little space after Christmas, anyway).

Here's a thought: considering how close his birthday is to Christmas anyway, maybe you make a big deal about celebrating his half-birthday in the summer, or look for some other day you can celebrate (like a saint that's meaningful). Get creative. Your son will appreciate it, and you'll take the wind right out of Dad's "I'll show you" sails.

[livealittle]

Lee,

I just wanted to say I think that's great advice with the half birthday thing.  I had a friend in elementary school who's birthday was Dec. 25.  her family celebrated her birthday June 25 with a half cake and all kinds of half things. I was invited several times.   It was always a blast.

[Lydiay]

I am actually doing just that.  I'm having a birthday party for him this weekend.  I have been giving the "I don't care" attitude towards his dad so he doesn't think he is getting the best of me.  But it is really bothering me. I was hoping that since it did call the birthday out separately that I had some ground.

I can't rely on the problem to take care of itself.  My ex is a very vindictive person.  He does everything in his power to hurt me.  Including telling my son(again 2 years old) that I'm the reason we are apart, blah blah, to turn him against me. (Even though he is the one that had the affair, which made me leave.)  He won't give any in this situation.  Guess I'm going to have to deal with the fact that I won't get to see my son on his b'day's  He is only 2 so we have many more before this crap is over and he can choose himself where he wants to be.

[m_t]

He is only 2 so we have many more before this crap is over and he can choose himself where he wants to be.

Just remember - that won't be until he's 18.

Hard as it may be not to see your little guy on his birthday, remember that it IS only a day - the two of you can create your own bday memories before & after.