Your post is a little confusing to me, but then again I am still working on my first cup of coffee!
Let me make sure I understand what the situation is:
1. Dad moved away
2. Dad has filed a petition to modifty visistation
3. Judge said "you guys work it out, if you can't then I'll make you use the standard"
4. Mom & Dad are in the "work it out" time waiting for court date
5. Dad cannot pick up the child on weekeds due to.... this is where I got lost. Due to work or due to mom?
Mom sounds like she has quite a bit of anger and feels out of control. Therefore she is using the visitation to control what she can. Looks like dad will need to go by the letter of the agreement as it stands right now. If it says he gets the child on the 2nd and 3rd weekend of the month at 5:30pm then he'll need to do what he's gotta do to get the child at that time. If he can't then he'll need to wait on that court date.
It'd be a good idea for dad to draft up his proposed visitation schedule and take it to court for submittal. Also take the evidence that mom has denied his visitation when he has made reasonable efforts to see the child. The judge will probably only scold her, but it may get her attention.
A sidebar of my personal experience:
When I moved 350 miles from my daughter's dad we set up the visitation so that he could get her ANY weekend that he was in the area provided he sent me notice in writing 14 days in advance. He also had 4 weeks of visitation in the summer and he could take it all at once or break it up in weekly increments as he saw fit. He just had to let me know when he'd be getting her and for how long 30 days in advance. We did Thanksgiving from Wednesday PM to Sunday PM in even years and Christmas from the 20th to the 25th in odd years (from the 25th to Jan 1st in even years) and didn't really mess with the 'minor' holidays. I guess ya'll could chart out Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Veterans Day, MLK Day and all those other days kids and gov. employees are off though
When you have a CP that wants to go by the LETTER and not work with the NCP at all, you are going to have to make sure that every contingency is in there (things like you or a grandparent or whomever can pick up the child in dad's absence) and that every thing is clear. "Every other" weekend and "every other" holiday are even vague in some cases. I like "odd years" and "even years" and spelling out "first, third and when applicable fifth weekend". Heck, I've seen people argue over what is a "weekend"!!! Then they had to put "first, third and when applicable fifth FRIDAY of each month...from 5pm Fri to 5pm Sun..." Tell your hubby to hang in there. Once the judge sets a new visitation schedule things will be better. And mom will chill out, just give it some time.