visitation nightmare

[sport22]

Mom is CP of child with dad having visitation. Since divorce dad has had to relocate due to business and is seeking non-standard visitation. In September at a hearing judge told parents to try to work out visitation before he got involved. Dad can no longer get daughter (4 yrs. old) everyother weekend and has asked twice in the last three weeks to pick daughter up for 2 days while he was working in the area. Mom has refused both times saying she was not setting a precidence for him to be allowed to do this and he could get her on his weekends which he has sent certified letters and told her over and over he has moved. Thus, he has not seen daughter in over a month. Plus, when he calls to talk to her mom gets on the phone and begins arguing with him about this everytime. Dad proposed 1 week at Christmas, Spring Break everyother year, everyother Labor Day weekend, 6 weeks in summer (when she started school), and the option of getting her 1 time a month for 48 hours if in the area. Mom said this was ridiculous and she wasn't giving in. What's next in this nightmare? Is there something fast that could be filed in order for dad to see his daughter since mom denied visitation and will not work with him? Thanks!

[Lee Borden]

Take a look at http://www.divorceinfo.com/standardvisitation.htm#SeparatedByDistance, which is the standard approach to visitation in Jefferson County when the parents are separated by distance. I would think that, unless Mom can show that it's dangerous for the child to spend time with Dad, Dad would be able to get something like this from the judge, even over Mom's objections.

[anniewalker]

Hi Sport!
Your post is a little confusing to me, but then again I am still working on my first cup of coffee!
Let me make sure I understand what the situation is:
1. Dad moved away
2. Dad has filed a petition to modifty visistation
3. Judge said "you guys work it out, if you can't then I'll make you use the standard"
4. Mom & Dad are in the "work it out" time waiting for court date
5. Dad cannot pick up the child on weekeds due to.... this is where I got lost.  Due to work or due to mom?

Mom sounds like she has quite a bit of anger and feels out of control.  Therefore she is using the visitation to control what she can.  Looks like dad will need to go by the letter of the agreement as it stands right now.  If it says he gets the child on the 2nd and 3rd weekend of the month at 5:30pm then he'll need to do what he's gotta do to get the child at that time.  If he can't then he'll need to wait on that court date.

It'd be a good idea for dad to draft up his proposed visitation schedule and take it to court for submittal.  Also take the evidence that mom has denied his visitation when he has made reasonable efforts to see the child.  The judge will probably only scold her, but it may get her attention. 

A sidebar of my personal experience:
When I moved 350 miles from my daughter's dad we set up the visitation so that he could get her ANY weekend that he was in the area provided he sent me notice in writing 14 days in advance.  He also had 4 weeks of visitation in the summer and he could take it all at once or break it up in weekly increments as he saw fit.  He just had to let me know when he'd be getting her and for how long 30 days in advance.  We did Thanksgiving from Wednesday PM to Sunday PM in even years and Christmas from the 20th to the 25th in odd years (from the 25th to Jan 1st in even years) and didn't really mess with the 'minor' holidays.  I guess ya'll could chart out Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Veterans Day, MLK Day and all those other days kids and gov. employees are off though   When you have a CP that wants to go by the LETTER and not work with the NCP at all, you are going to have to make sure that every contingency is in there (things like you or a grandparent or whomever can pick up the child in dad's absence) and that every thing is clear.  "Every other" weekend and "every other" holiday are even vague in some cases.  I like "odd years" and "even years" and spelling out "first, third and when applicable fifth weekend".  Heck, I've seen people argue over what is a "weekend"!!!  Then they had to put "first, third and when applicable fifth FRIDAY of each month...from 5pm Fri to 5pm Sun..."  Tell your hubby to hang in there.  Once the judge sets a new visitation schedule things will be better.  And mom will chill out, just give it some time.

[sport22]

The problem is he lived in the same area when decree was issued and now has moved his office 4 hours away. (back to his hometown where 80% of his business is now) By the time he picked her up on the weekends and traveled, they would have spent 16 hours of their weekend in the car. He is renting a house their (his primary residence) and we have a house in Georgia that was my home. (which is 8 hours from his daughter) He is constantly traveling and cannot physically withstand the hours that he would have to travel more if the visitation wasn't modified. Last month he did get her one weekend while he was wrapping things up in the area and he has been working in the area twice in the last three weeks and asked to get her during the week for two days. CP said no both times. I think it is a control thing also with her.

His lawyer has made a proposal to her lawyer but for the last 5 months no progress has been made. From what I understand you are saying the lawyer should present this proposal to the judge for approval. Is this right? This desperately needs to get done to give him some peace of mind. He really is depressed and misses his daughter.

[anniewalker]

I don't understand what the drama/confusion/misunderstandings are in your husband's case.

The visitation now is the "standard" every other weekend, right?  OK, mom is a control freak and the CP.  Until your hubby files a Petition to Modify and goes to court and a judge orders a different visitation schedule then your hubby is stuck with what he's got.  He moved his business 4 hours away from his child.  From mom's standpoint, that is not her problem. Since mom is not willing to work with dad on this, they'll need to work it out through the courts.  And that will mean getting a new vistation schedule ordered.

His lawyer has made a proposal to her lawyer but for the last 5 months no progress has been made. From what I understand you are saying the lawyer should present this proposal to the judge for approval. Is this right? This desperately needs to get done to give him some peace of mind. He really is depressed and misses his daughter.

They have been working on VISITATION for 5 months??? That is crazy.  What I am saying is that your husband should write down a very clear and exact statement of what he'd like the visitation to be and give that to his attorney.  Then his attorney can do what he is being paid to do with that statement.  I am NOT an attorney and would not dream of telling one what to do.  I'd advise anyone else who has hired an attorney to take that same stance.  From working as a legal assistant I do know that many times clients expect their attorneys to be mind readers.  It makes things a little easier and everyone seems to be happier when the client writes down exactly what they want and expect from the legal proceedings.  What the attorney will do with that statement is totally up to them.

Side note: if I were the CP and was all mad and angry and controlling, then I would expect for my baby's daddy to take off 1/2 a day of work at least one Friday a month and come get his kid.  Stay in the same town as the child lives and rent a hotel room (priceline.com has some fabulous deals) so the travel isn't insane.  It would show Mom that Dad really does want to see his child and he is making an effort.  It may give him some peace of mind and alleviate some of his depression, too.  I understand that is just not possible for everyone, but it is an option until things get worked out through the courts.

[sport22]

It is crazy it has taken so long. We can't quite figure out the delay. We have put everything in writing for the attorney. He has been trying to negogiate with her attorney with no luck. He was waiting on the contempt to go to court but it has now disappeared from the court records. He is trying to set up an appointment with the attorney next week.

As far as him taking off work, he is self-employed and doesn't get paid unless he works. With his child support obligations, rehabilitative alimony, and paying all medical bills he can't afford to take off work. This is why he has asked to see her twice this month when he was seeing clients in the area. She is not in school yet and he asked to have her two days.

The process is a little unclear for him. If they don't negogiate with him, does his attorney then file something with the court for it to be modified by the judge?

[m_t]

What contempt? If the current order states eow, and he's asking for 2 days during the week, Mom is not in contempt.

Also, at this point, given the child will be in school soon, Dad should look to have the schedule set as though she already is - or he'll be back in court in a year.

[sport22]

Dad hasn't filed contempt against mom. Mom filed a contempt in August against dad and they have been waiting on it to come to court before going back to address visitation. However, the contempt no longer exists according to the courthouse now although it has the clerk's stamp on our copy. WHO KNOWS?

Dad is seeking non-standard visitation where he gets more time in the summer due to his inability to see her in the year. He wants the clause where he can see her up to 48 hours a month w/ notice if he is going to be in the area. He has asked to see her twice over the last month while he has been in the area working during the week. She refused because it is not what the decree states. It would be nice if they could work together and do what is best for the child. A four year old going a month without seeing her dad is not what is best. It isn't just hurting dad but the child too.