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Author Topic: Married 25 years, can I expect to get permanent alimony  (Read 4827 times)
dancingdiamonds
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Posts: 2


« on: December 14, 2006, 02:40:41 PM »

Hi, I'm new on this board.  I'm hoping I can get some advise.  I'm in the process of getting a divorce after 25 years of marriage.  I was a stay at home mom, only working part time off and on.  My husband earns close to $200,000/year.  Three years ago I filed a TRO against him for an incident where he tried to break a locked door down to get at me.  You see my husband abused me verbally and physically for many years.  That day I was so scared that I decided I couldn't take it anymore.  When I filed the TRO, my husband took me off of all the accounts, all credit cards, and the mortgage.  I was forced to get a full time job which I continue to have today.  I was going to get a divorce three years ago but my husband promised to get help for his anger and he really convinced me things would get better.  I had been married to him for so long and I was 49 years old.  I was scared so I agreed to give it another chance.  He kept saying he would put me back on the accounts but he never did.  He went to one counseling session and then he found a Christian church and decided to get counseling from the pastor.  I stayed in this situation for two more years.  Although the physical violence stopped the emotional abuse and control continued.  He kept saying things like I still can't trust you.  You'll have to prove I can trust you.  I finally filed for divorce in August.  My husband told me he would rather spend every last penny we have fighting me than see me get any of it.  He's proven true to his word.  Since I'm now 51 years old, I only make $34,000/year, I don't have a college degree and I have some health issues.  Can I reasonably expect to get permanent alimony.  My husband says there's no way I'll get permanent alimony.  I have three children.  Their ages are 18 (in college) and twins that are 13.  I know I'll get CS but I don't know how I live in NJ on $34,000/year.  I'll be poor and he'll be just fine.  He even told me that the other day.  I'm so fearful that I'm considering dropping the divorce even though I know I need to be away from this abusive situation.  Any advise or help you can give would be reassuring to me at this time.
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Piedpiper
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« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2006, 02:54:32 PM »

He's going to intimidate the hell out of you if he has an inkling of suspicion that you might drop the divorce.  Stay the course, DD.  25 years is a long time, though I have no idea how a NJ judge might rule.

Did you ask your lawyer what he thought about that?
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livealittle
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« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2006, 09:35:06 AM »

of course he's going to tell you that.

Pied is right on the mark.  Talk to your attorney.
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Lee Borden
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Posts: 1202



« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2006, 09:47:45 AM »

In my state, this would be a solid alimony case, but this is a function of NJ law, and therefore I wouldn't venture a guess. I do agree that intimidating men often pronounce confidently what they WISH were the case even when they know it's wrong (or haven't bothered to check).

I would think that, of the roughly six billion people on the earth right now, the STBX who wants to cut you off and starve you out should be about six billionth in line for credibility. YaknowwhatImean?
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safetobemeguy
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Posts: 25


Happiness is wanting what you get!


« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2007, 05:30:37 PM »

I live in NJ and can tell you you have a solid case if we know all the facts.  Have you retained council?  I live in Morris County if you are looking for a recommendation. 

Don
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Baileysgirl
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Posts: 16


« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2007, 09:58:48 AM »

Hi, hey your story sounds a little like mine.....................Why are men asses???...................and yes 10 yrs ago, I filed too, and was stupid and took him back because of the fear of not making it on my own...........now i'm right back to almost the same thing, except the abuse has changed - the hitting has stopped, but like you, its the mental abuse that sometimes you can't put your finger on, but its there...........and a little of the money control...................if you filed in Aug., you must be close to the end................help me do the same!!!!!!!!!!
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Dallas
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Posts: 773



« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2007, 10:09:42 PM »

.....................Why are men asses???...................

Good question.  Why do women marry men when they know men are assess?

Dallas
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m_t
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WWW
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2007, 09:55:33 AM »

The realistic answer is that you may get SS, or you may not. It IS possible to live in NJ with that income, especially when you add the CS he's going to be paying.

And yeah - let's not stereotype. Some men are asses, and so are some women. It's not an either/or situation.
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Jade
Guest
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2007, 01:20:45 PM »

Hi, I'm new on this board.  I'm hoping I can get some advise.  I'm in the process of getting a divorce after 25 years of marriage.  I was a stay at home mom, only working part time off and on.  My husband earns close to $200,000/year.  Three years ago I filed a TRO against him for an incident where he tried to break a locked door down to get at me.  You see my husband abused me verbally and physically for many years.  That day I was so scared that I decided I couldn't take it anymore.  When I filed the TRO, my husband took me off of all the accounts, all credit cards, and the mortgage.  I was forced to get a full time job which I continue to have today.  I was going to get a divorce three years ago but my husband promised to get help for his anger and he really convinced me things would get better.  I had been married to him for so long and I was 49 years old.  I was scared so I agreed to give it another chance.  He kept saying he would put me back on the accounts but he never did.  He went to one counseling session and then he found a Christian church and decided to get counseling from the pastor.  I stayed in this situation for two more years.  Although the physical violence stopped the emotional abuse and control continued.  He kept saying things like I still can't trust you.  You'll have to prove I can trust you.  I finally filed for divorce in August.  My husband told me he would rather spend every last penny we have fighting me than see me get any of it.  He's proven true to his word.  Since I'm now 51 years old, I only make $34,000/year, I don't have a college degree and I have some health issues.  Can I reasonably expect to get permanent alimony.  My husband says there's no way I'll get permanent alimony.  I have three children.  Their ages are 18 (in college) and twins that are 13.  I know I'll get CS but I don't know how I live in NJ on $34,000/year.  I'll be poor and he'll be just fine.  He even told me that the other day.  I'm so fearful that I'm considering dropping the divorce even though I know I need to be away from this abusive situation.  Any advise or help you can give would be reassuring to me at this time.

I just got divorced in NJ, according to my lawyer, if I had been married for at least 10 years (I only made it to the 8 1/2 year mark), I would be looking at permanent or long-term alimony.  When you get all this resolved, be sure to have it put into the court order that it is to be garnished directly from his wages along with the child support.  In fact, if you are receiving temporary support and it's not being garnished, I would try to have it garnished.  This way he can't play games with it.
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