66 comments

  1. Lee Borden says:

    If he’s so stubborn and unapproachable that you don’t know how to bring this up, why on earth would you want to keep living with him after you are divorced? I would take this as a big neon sign saying “THIS WON’T WORK” and figure out how to live separately.

  2. I WOULD LIKE TO BE MORE INFORMED ABOUT WHAT KIND OF RIGHTS DO I HAVE WHILE LIVING WITH MY EX-HUSBAND.ME AND MY HUSBAND MADE AN AGREEMENT THAT WE SHOULD GET DIVORCED SO THE IRS WILL NOT TAX ME AT THE END OF THE YEAR. HE OWES ABOUT $43,000 DLLS IN BACK UP CHILD SUPPORT. SO WE DECIDED TO GET DIVORCED. TWO YEARS LATER HE BOUGHT A HOUSE ONLY UNDER HIS NAME AND WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER.WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN AND SOMETIMES HE HAVE THREANING ME TO KICK ME OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN WE ARGUE.I KNOW THAT WE LOVE EACH OTHER BUT MANY THINGS HAVE CHANGED.PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO PREVENT HIM FROM KICKING ME OUT.

  3. Lee Borden says:

    I know nothing of tax law, except that I have the impression that the IRS would blow through your arrangement in a heartbeat and decide that your planned “divorce” is exactly what you have described it to be, a legal ruse designed to defraud the Service. Are you sure you want to do this? You say he loves you, right after you say he regularly threatens to kick you out. Is this really how you want to live?

  4. If you signed returns with your husband in the past, you have potential liability for back taxes. I would advise that you meet with a qualified tax advisor to get the appropriate level of representation. If you have child support that is in arrears, you have options to go after those funds. Contact your state child support enforcement agency for guidance.

  5. John says:

    My wife is filing for divorce. We have a 2 year old daughter. She wants to remain living together. She is a stay at home mom and I support them both. I am interested in hearing more about how this affects the children. We are living together mostly for our daughter’s sake. I feel like things we be better for all if I give it up and move out. How can you move on emotionally and in a relationship? I just don’t see it.

  6. Lee Borden says:

    Then you shouldn’t do this. I would never suggest that divorced people continue living together unless both spouses are convinced they can make it work. You’re not, so you shouldn’t.

  7. John says:

    FYI. I decided to sign the papers. Which means that after we take our parenting class we should see our disolution finalized in January. We are currently still living together. We are slowly separating our things. We will continue to do this until our daughter is in school or my wife has a job.

  8. Renee says:

    I have only known for 2 weeks that my husband of 19 years has cheated on me repeatedly and no longer wants to be married. He and I both want to be friends and co-parents for our 2 children. We are currently committed to continuing to live together, at least for the time being, to minimize the number of big changes in our kids’ lives. We are not “fighters,” don’t yell, and have always gotten along. I don’t believe we’ll be doing this until both kids are grown, but it seems feasible for the short-term. We are working to separate our bedrooms, establish rules/expectations, etc. It’s certainly not easy, and I have a lot of grieving to do, but I am hoping that the knowledge that I did this for my children will help.

  9. sheryll says:

    Im in the process of separation but financially we cannot separate my husband cheated on me several times. Im not thinking for a divorce yet. Financially, I cannot move out of the house we cannot even pay our monthly dues and on loan modification. So basically, we are stuck in this house. I havent talk to my husband yet for our arrangement in the house. I want to make it clean for the sake of our 2 yr old daughter.

  10. Elena says:

    I have been divorce now since May 2009 ,we live in the same house , we pay bills 1/2 and 1/2 .We are selling the house with no luck , he is unemployed and does not seam like he is looking .He left a couple of months to leave with someone he was responsable with the house payments but not with the share bills ( electricity and cable )He came back again recently and he started to send me emails aim’s and as far as to take things from one bathroom and dropping them inside my daugter’s room (on the carpet)I can’t live with him anymore , he is constantly making new rules on our space arrangements , invades my room and does “things” like letting my dog out of his crate so he would pee and poo all over , and then blames me for the mess. He is constantly on my face about how things should be in the house etc . I do work and I make a decent leaving , the fact is I could be on my own if I was not paying the house ( yes it is under both our names) I can’t buy him out and he can’t buy me out . I have some health issues , he knows about them I can not get stressed it could cause me a heart attack.I dont care for the house . I just want out of this inhealthy situation . Please , please, desperate for advise

  11. John says:

    sheryll,

    My situation is similar. We decided to stay together until we could more easily separate. If it is not possible to remain living together because of his cheating maybe you could divorce and have him move out and rent out the room. It all comes down to the environment in the house. If you two can agree to make sure nothing changes in the child’s routine as much as you can while still separating yourselves from each other I think it can work. So far it is working for me. My situation is similar. By staying together we are putting things off for a while. I get to see more of my daughter than I would and avoid all the stress of losing the house. The house is upside down and neither of us can afford it on our own. We will separate everything in the future, but later, when our daughter is in school.

  12. Audrey says:

    My husband and I are getting a divorce and are planning to live together. The divorce should be final the end of March 2010. The house is in both our names. We are older and would like to know what we should do to protect our individual interests in case one of us becomes incapacitated. Should we have wills made and should we have power of attorney on each others bank accounts. I forsee no problems of us just sharing a house. We have been doing it for years. Please advise. Thank you.

  13. Lee Borden says:

    This one’s over my pay grade, because the questions you’re asking (all excellent ones, by the way) aren’t family law questions. They’re elder law questions. Find a good elder law specialist and buy an hour or two with that person to make sure you and your STBX are approaching this correctly.

  14. Melissa says:

    I want to know if my ex husband should have his girlfriend of 9 months move in with him. We have 50/50 with our kids, and she has 1 kid their age. They are not engaged, and I believe have no intentions of getting married. Do I have any legal rights to stop her from moving in?

  15. Lee Borden says:

    Hi Melissa,

    Whether he “should” or not isn’t the question; it sounds like you’ve already answered that, so I won’t try.

    As to your second question, it depends on your state and your judge. In my state, most judges would be sympathetic to including a paragraph prohibiting unmarried lovers staying overnight with the children, but surprisingly few of them are willing to take decisive action to enforce the provision when it’s violated.

  16. Melissa says:

    I live in Wisconsin and I dont know where to search to see if there are laws or anything out there stating he has to have my permission or at least discuss it with me. I just would like to be holding some cards when it comes to this situation.

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