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Why Is My Spouse Behaving This Way?

The best way to understand irrational behavior on the part of your spouse is to read and understand the three divorces, and pay particularly close attention to the emotional divorce. It's typical for both spouses in divorce to behave in ways that are erratic, sometimes even cruel. Just because your spouse does this doesn't mean your spouse is evil. This is just a cruddy time for both of you.

Keeping Your Cool

Understanding why your spouse behaves this way should make it easier to keep your cool. What you must do is to think strategically and keep your eyes on the prize.

Prudence

Keeping your cool does not mean you allow your spouse to endanger anyone. When push comes to shove, you need to do whatever you must to protect yourself and your children. I'm not just talking about rushing out to get a restraining order, although restraining orders certainly can be helpful in some circumstances.

I'm talking about care in your interaction with your spouse. If your spouse tends to get violent when you meet him or her in a particular place, don't meet them there. If there's a third party involved, and if the conflict escalates whenever the third party enters the scene, try to get some separation for a while. It's just common sense.

Counseling

Often, counseling can help you deal with your own feelings and those of your spouse in divorce. With the help of counseling, often you can spot when your spouse is about to behave irrationally and head off that behavior before it starts. Or you may use counseling to help think through the possible responses to your spouse.

One warning about counseling is in order here: if you have children, and if there is any chance that you may be arguing over children in adversarial divorce, STOP.