I wish I had a dime – hey, while I’m wishing, I wish I had $100 – for every time I’ve heard somebody say that to me in the middle of their divorce negotiation. As we’ve already established,divorce stinks. And it’s ever so easy to become impatient with the process and throw up our hands. “Whatever it takes,” we think or say, “it doesn’t matter any more. Let’s just get it done.”
The process winds on, causing you and your spouse to engage in behaviors that feel lousy, take your focus away from your family and the activities you love, and drain your energy. And every time you think you’re close to getting things resolved, up pops another issue, or your spouse changes positions, or you learn something that makes you suspicious of whether your spouse is plotting to pull one over on you.
I know you’re tired. I know you’re impatient. I know none of the terms seem to matter any more. You’re ready to get it done. Now. Please.
This, my friend, is danger time. My little antennae go up when someone I love or want to protect says something about how ready they are to get the divorce done, because I know that’s when they could start making concessions they will later regret. Their spouse may know it too. And their spouse, understanding that getting in a hurry during negotiations leaves one vulnerable, may be using their impatience against them.
Careful. Slow down. Don’t get in a hurry just because this is unpleasant.
You’re negotiating terms with which you will have to live for the rest of your life. Make sure it works. Don’t get in a hurry. And especially, don’t get in a hurry now while you’re impatient to get this finished. You’ll be glad later you didn’t railroad yourself into a long-term mistake.